Tag Archives: Peter S. Kahrmann

For the likes of this lad

*

Stone bone weary sadness buckles my days  stumbles my nights

No use dreaming like I just done did again never

Learnin’  sunshine days visit  but never stay

For the likes of this lad

*

Wounded hearts bleed from wounded souls starving still

Love’s last chance offered by splayed fingerhands breaking

The sweat stained life’s killing habits leaves only darkness

For the likes of this lad

*

Warm sun mornings hint dreams worth dreaming

Muscled legs standing back straightens tears wiped clear

Birds sing jewels into the morning air joyous

For the likes of this lad

*

Leavin’ no song unsung poem unread dream undreamed

Leavin’ no hug  no kiss  no touch unfelt

Leavin’ no chance untried no love unloved no breath undrawn

For the likes of this lad

*

It’s good to be alive

*

Rhythm moving moments remembering soft

Sweet tongues in sweet wood rhythm

It’s good to be alive

*

Shifting sound breathes flesh to flesh

Memory deep in glistening time

It’s good to be alive

*

The curling bend of a guitar note

Glistens a tear to my eye

It’s good to be alive

*

Your voice calling across the nighttime sky

To me crying standing up again

It’s good to be alive

*

Come tomorrow’s daylight rising

I’m my father’s son I am always

It’s good to be alive

*

O Sweet Words

*

O sweet words hold me close

You my perpetual company

Friends and family all

Removing my heart’s chill

*

O sweet words take my hand

You my daily allies

Near and distant

Always there warm waiting

*

O sweet words my family

Gift of family for me

When close to you

It is then I’m free

*

KAHRMANN INTERVIEW: A BOOK ABOUT WORKING IN THE FIELD OF BRAIN INJURY

An Interview with brain injury survivor Peter S. Kahrmann regarding his plans to write a book about what it like to work in the field of brain injury for more than 13 years.

– Why now?
– Several reasons. I’ve been in this field for a while and have, I think, seen the best and the worst of it. Last year I learned I had a heart condition, which in itself might not end my life, but it certainly reminds me that none of us is here forever, and because I think the world of working with people who live with brain injuries is particularly vulnerable.
– In what way?
– Well, from a historical perspective, it’s a fairly new field, especially working with people with brain injuries, with disabilities who live in the community.
– That sounds as if there are some great opportunities.
– Absolutely true. And if people come into the field or are in the field to truly help survivors gain their maximum level of independence, it is a beautiful thing. And I know quite a few people, I mean really good people, who are in this field, this arena for honorable reasons.
– And, of course, there are others.
– You’ve got people in this field who are in it for nothing but the money. You’ve got others who are in it because they want the world to think they are these great and wonderful benefactors when they are anything but. You’ve got some who could give a rat’s ass about survivors and their families because they are just a means to an end.
– How so?
– Okay, let’s say I come up with a new medication that if it sells will make me a ton of money. Being seen as some cutting edge person and making the ton of money is what I really care about; all I want the survivors to do is take the med.
– Does that happen?
– I think it probably does, but what I’ve seen is something analogous to that.
– For example?
– I’ve seen some who think they and they alone have the answers and know better than anyone else who goes about inflicting their will on survivors, providers, and, when folks like these have too much power, especially power in high places, they can be hard to stop.
– You’ve worked in New York.
– Yes.
– New York has a brain injury waiver, the TBI waiver.
– Yes, and if you read it and its design, I think you be hard pressed to find a better one. The whole design of the waiver, which itself is a form of Medicaid reimbursement for providers who work with brain injury survivors in the community who are poor, or who have put there monies in a trust in order to get waiver services, is pretty special. It’s consumer based.
– What’s a consumer?
– Somewhere along the line, the decision was made to call survivors consumers.
– Like a consumer in a free market place.
– I suppose so. I don’t know any survivors who like the term, although I’m sure it’s well intended.
– What would survivors like yourself preferred to be called.
– People.
– …Hard to argue with that.
– That’s not what some would say.
– What do you mean?
– One of the common challenges faced by people with disabilities is dealing with people who treat us as if we are less smart, less valuable, even less human than other folks are. The whole issue at its core is very much a civil rights issue. Blacks, gays, lesbians, Latinos, Asians, the Irish, Italians, have all, at one time or another, been treated as if they were lower class, less than others. There are several poisons in the mix but one of the deadliest is that those who hold the reins to your ability to stay in the community wield a great deal of power. And some are more than willing to say, tow the line, do what you’re told, or out you go.
– That sounds vicious.
– It sounds vicious because it is vicious. Greed, the lust for power, money, are all poisonous in and of themselves. Lincoln once said, “Most men can handle adversity but if you want to test a man” or woman’s “character, give him power.” I’ve seen good people turn rotten and spoil because of it. Some don’t see it, and in their hearts believe they are doing the right thing for others, some see it, know it and are so messianic they don’t care. And then there are the wolves in sheep’s clothing.
– Really?
– Sure. They come across as nice, kind, caring people yet behind the scenes will stab people in the back without blinking an eye.
– Has that happened to you?
– Oh God yes, more than once.
– Is that why you are writing the book?
– No. It will certainly be part of the book, but no. I’m writing the book because I think I can. I want to write it honestly, with integrity, and with the sole purpose of telling the truth about my experience as best I can.
– Aren’t you angry at those that you say have stabbed you –
– And others –
– And others in the back?
– Sure. But it’s part of the journey. I try to teach people to be angry at the behavior, forgive the person. Hate the behavior, not the person. Hate the bigotry, don’t hate the bigot.
– That’s not easy.
– True. But it’s easier than walking around with hatred in your heart.
– Okay, Mr. Kahrmann. We need to pause here. We’ll continue this interview again soon.
– Great, talk with you then. And thank you.
– Thank you.

TO TOUCH HUMAN HEARTS

I know I walk on shifting sands trying to describe my desire to touch as many human hearts during my journey through life as I possibly can. Any success I’ve had or may be having in this endeavor eludes me. Current American culture does not offer an easy welcome to the chords of intimacy, gentleness, kindness, love, gratitude or remorse. Too often we are emotionally and spiritually tone deaf, driven instead by a distorted understanding of success. An understanding that says success can be and should be measured by the money you make, the clothes you wear, the car you drive, the shape of your body, the home you live in, and so forth.

While each of us has some say in what we inject into the bloodstream of our existence, a say in what we inject into the bloodstream of the lives we touch and the world we live in, we do not have total say. Nor should we. There is a healthy and necessary form of humility that comes with knowing this, that comes with knowing that the all of things is not up to each of us. It keeps us right-sized, and that’s okay. Promise.