Monthly Archives: July 2009

Kahrmann Center for Human Rights

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A steering committee has begun work on the formation of what is now being called the Kahrmann Center for Human Rights. At first the thought was to call it the Kahrmann Advocacy Center, but the name has now been changed and, given the talent and creativity of those on the committee, may be changed again. I am humbled that this is happening and whole heartedly committed to its cause.

In brief, the Center will be committed to doing its part to make sure all people are able to live in freedom. In many ways living in freedom means being able to be who you are safely in the world you live in. Safely comes with equality. After all, equality and safety  are siblings. You can’t have one without the other.

Given my life, and the corner of the world I find my life most connected to, at the moment, I am sure the Center’s first work forays will be into the challenges faced by people who live with disabilities, primarily, at least at the outset, people who live with brain injuries.

Though we don’t pretend to know the all of the solution, the number one complaint I hear from people who live with disabilities is the tendency on the part of many to treat them as if they are children. A brilliant friend of mine who lives in New York City told me recently about being part of a group designed, or, better put, allegedly designed to help people with brain injuries tackle problems in life. The group began when the facilitator, in a voice so sugar-sweet it could catapult a diabetic straight into a coma, clapped her hands and said, “Okay now, we’re here today to discuss problem solving! Who wants to go first?”  She was talking to a room full of adults for God sakes!

No doubt one mission will be to assist in helping people figure out that living with a disability, no matter when it enters your life, does not return you to childhood. My closest friend of 35 years lost his legs in Vietnam when he was 19. The war took his legs, not his age.

When it comes to working with people who deal with disabilities in their life, it is not a stretch to say that one of the biggest, if not the biggest obstacle the face is the very system that claims to be there to help them.

Anyway, enough for now. More later. Remember to live.

 

When Love Ends: A Postscript

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I owe you an apology. In the previous blog post – When Love Ends – I carelessly omitted a common and often painful challenge many face when their relationship or marriage comes to an end. The judgment of others.

The judgment of friends, parents, siblings, family members from across the spectrum, clergy and then some may, in some but not all cases, be well intended. Nevertheless, it is deeply wounding. The furrowed brows and heavily lidded eyes of judgment can inflict enormous pain and guilt and, at times, possess so much influence they lead some to stay in or return to relationships that are, in fact, deeply unhappy.

Judgment deserves no decision making power. I know and have known people who stay in relationships and marriages because of their families judgment, because some religious mandate says God says…. First, while I have no right to doubt the well-meaning sincerity of those inflicting the judgment – they are still wrong. As for, God says…..? Bullshit. God wants his children to be happy in life, not miserable. It has been written and often repeated that God helps those who help themselves. If one or both members of a relationship or marriage realize they are not in love anymore, are they not helping themselves by disengaging from the marriage? Is it not healthier and, dare I say it, more loving for each person to be free to live their lives and perhaps, if they are so blessed, meet someone and fall in love and experience a truly healthy and happy relationship and marriage?

Remember, you are living your life, no one else. You have a right to happiness. Taking care of yourself is not an act of disloyalty to anyone else – no matter what the forces of judgment may say. Depending on your circumstances, you may have to let them have their say, but you don’t have to let them have the decision.

When Love Ends

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There are as many answers as questions when love ends. I don’t know all the questions and I sure as hell don’t know all the answers. I do know there is a dream harbored by many, this writer included, that there is such as thing as a love that will last, if not forever, at least for our lifetime. Okay – forever. I believe there is such a thing as a love like that.

Love, to me, is a living breathing form of life, as beautifully exquisite as a flower, as powerful and majestic as a mountain range, as glorious as the sunrise and the sunset, and, like the sky above, in perpetual motion. If, like all living things, it is not tended to, fed, and nurtured – it will die. While the end of love casts many of us into the chilly arms of loneliness, fear and a sense of hopelessness, it does not mean we are alone and it does not mean hope is gone. Because you feel hopeless does not mean there is no hope, it means you’ve lost site of it, for the moment. And that’s okay, it proves you’re a human being, and that’s a good thing. Hope is still there.

In too many ways, places, and cultures, couples are given the message that if their relationship ends, if their marriage ends, they have failed. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can be further from the truth. There is no more truth in the end of a relationship means failure as there was truth in the once commonly held belief that the world is flat.

Then too there are those hard-sharp moments when we are faced with the terribly unpleasant task of letting someone know we don’t love them anymore. A wrenching moment to live through to be sure, but to offer anything but the truth will inflict far greater pain and damage on them (and you) down the road. Telling the truth, while anything but painless, is, when all is said and done, the kindest.

If you are someone who finds yourself sitting alone thinking you’ve failed because your relationship or marriage ended, try and remember that these feelings of failure are driven by the way you were raised, they are rooted in your history, not in the larger reality of life. So let the feelings have their lifetime, you can and will and deserve to outlive them. Don’t let their presence blind you the beautiful life you are in and to the wonderful gifts that await you and are with you now: your child, your friends, the books on your shelf, the cup of tea or coffee you can make for you, the beauty of the birds and the pure-soul joy of dance, the smile and hug from a friend, and maybe even a blog like this one that might, in its humble way, lift your day.

ADAPT Fights Slavery in 2009

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The nation’s largest grassroots disability rights organization this week unleashed  24 simultaneous protests at Democrat offices across the country including the Democrat National Committee’s (DNC) office in Washington D.C. and Senator Max Baucus’ office in Missoula, MT. Baucas is the chair of the Senate Finance Committee.

In a very real way, ADAPT is fighting slavery. Federal law requires states to pay for institutionalizing seniors and people with disabilities. However, states have to ask permission! to pay for services that would allow seniors and people with disabilities to live in the community. In other words, the law forces people with disabilities and seniors into institutions and robs them of their freedom.

This is slavery. Hard to believe? I hear you. But it’s true. Consider this; forced institutionalization violates the United Nation’s 1948 Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR). Article 4 of the UDHR reads: No one shall be held in slavery or servitude; slavery and the slave trade shall be prohibited in all their forms.

How can we call robbing people of their freedom by forcing them into institutions against their will anything other than slavery?

Lest anyone doubt the power and significance of the UDHR, consider this. It is the most translated document in the world.

ADAPT is rightfully demanding Congress eliminate the Medicaid institutional bias this year as part of healthcare reform or by passing the Community Choice Act. ADAPT protested at Democrat offices largely because the Democrats are in the majority. However, I would urge ADAPT to protest at Republican offices as well. One party may be the warden, but all the jailers have keys.

Over the years I have become more and more convinced that bringing injustice into the light is one of the most effective ways of destroying. Moreover, I know of a man who said, “I expose slavery in this country, because to expose it is to kill it. Slavery is one of those monsters of darkness to whom the light of truth is death.” He also said, “I didn’t know I was a slave until I found out I couldn’t do the things I wanted.”

Now I can’t do much about it if you disagree with my belief that bringing injustice into the light helps destroy it. Nor can the man I quoted do anything about it if you disagree with him. He died many years ago. His name was Frederick Douglass.

Mandela

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Many pretend greatness, few live it. Nelson Mandela lived it, and lives it. As a human rights advocate there are not many to look up to, to emulate, and for me, Mandela, or Madiba, as he is called by many in South Africa, Madiba being an honorary title adopted by elders of Mandela’s clan, is right their with Ghandi and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and a mere handful of others.

Mandela celebrated his 91st birthday today and seeing him brought tears to my eyes. The man right-sizes me on those days I am feeling wounded or walked on by those who wish I would cease my human rights activities. Who am I to complain? Who am I to moan when this man spent 27 years of his life in prison because he would not flinch in his fight for equal rights for all.

Lest any be foolish enough to believe Mandela is somehow a fearless being, let me enlighten you by giving you some of his words. On fear he said, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

For those foolish enough to think the making of money is the true measure of success, he said, “Money won’t create success, the freedom to make it will.” Now I know a couple of folks who read this blog who would nod their heads in agreement like this like bobble-head dolls and not a single word or tone of their phrasing would be remotely linked to honesty, much less integrity.

For those of you who read this blog who give your heart and soul to assuring that all people are given their equal rights in the world, let me give you the gift of Mandela’s words, “There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.”

For those of you are struggle for the rights of others, you are my brothers and sisters. For those of you who do not, who feed of others and use others for you material gain, guess what, you are my brothers and sisters too. May you get healthy and grow in that newfound healthiness for you are the ones who are truly enslaved.

For freedom brings with it some glorious realities, as Mandela said, “…to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”

Happy Birthday, Mr. Mandela. Thank you for keeping me and so many others right-sized, for reminding us that what feels impossible may not be impossible all.