Monthly Archives: September 2009

Loyalty: More Than Just Words

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Eighteenth Century English poet Alexander Pope once said, “Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends.” Were Mr. Pope here to talk to, I would tell him, things have not changed. 

American writer William Arthur Ward was right when he said, “A friend is one with whom you are comfortable, to whom you are loyal, through whom you are blessed, and for whom you are grateful.”

I am right when I say real loyalty is hard to come by. Lots of people give it all kinds of flowery lip service: I’ll always be there for you or for them, you can always count on me, of course you’re my friend, your like family to me, or, you are family.  I suspect most of you who read this already know this and I suspect a good many of you have had your hearts and minds bloodied by those who are, well, full of shit.

It’s a curious thing, while many if not most demand loyalty from those in their lives, a majority of those making the demand do not, when the waters get choppy or, when it’s not about them, reciprocate. To paraphrase something Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, The true measure of a person’s strength is not where they stand in times of comfort and convenience, but where they stand in times of challenges and controversy.

Here is what I would say to you, my reader, do not give the fact loyalty is often no more than lip service so much control over you that it winds up denying you those who actually will be loyal, come hell or high water. They are the minority, but they are a minority well worth waiting for. I promise you this is so. And why do I make this promise to you, because it is so. Because when you read this blog you have a right to count on my honesty. Why? Because it is the loyal thing for me to do, and you, like all of us, deserve some loyalty in your life.

As for me, I will continue to remain open to the possibility of loyalty in people. However, if I am stabbed in the back, I will respond and, when appropriate, expose the person for being the disloyal creature they are.

Patience Can be Pointless, Respect Never Is

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It may be true that patience is a virtue, but not always. Sometimes it is pointless. Many years ago one of the people I love most in the world, Dane Arnold, told me there were times  I was too patient with people. If memory serves, I was being patient with a rather problematic apartment mate at the time who, as it turned out, deserved anything but patience. Dane was right. I’d been too patient.

I am saying nothing unique when I say we are all works in progress. For a few years now I’ve used a  kind of strategy to help me identify when I am either being too patient with someone, or allowing someone to treat me or behave towards me in a way I should reject, harshly if necessary. It might work for you too.

First, pick someone, alive or dead, who you love with all your heart and soul. Someone you know you would protect with your life if necessary. The person I picked is my father. My father was and is the greatest gift life has ever given me and even though he left the world when he was 55 and I was 15, he is with me every day.

Anyway, you choose someone you love with all your heart. Then you ask yourself if you saw this person being treated the way you are being treated what would you do? The answer is usually split-second obvious. And, if the treatment, meaning the respect that you would demand for this person is more than the respect you’ve been receiving, then you have successfully discovered an area where you are allowing yourself to be treated with less respect then you deserve. Then, make changes, disengage from the person or group if need be.

Having patience for people is a healthy thing, but not if it means you will get treated with disrespect or cruelty as a result. You can always accept an apology and re-connect with a person or group in life. In the meantime,  you have the right to disengage from someone or cut someone off who has been treating you with disrespect. Don’t you think that is what the person you used to help you in this strategy would want you to do? I do.

 

Racism in the Mist

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If you don’t think racism is playing a role in some of the opposition to  President Obama supports, dump a bucket of cold water over your head and wake the hell up. 

Here we have a Republican, Rep. Lynn Jenkins of Kansas, telling an audience, “Republicans are struggling right now to find the great white hope” and we have citizens bringing weapons to events where the president is. I’ve seen pictures of one fool with an assault weapon slung over his shoulder and God knows how many other fools with handguns strapped to their waists. Ask yourself this question, if the president was white, and armed black Americans showed up at speech by the president, what do you think would happen?

Jenkins’ staff said she was not aware that the term “great white hope” would be offensive. Spare me. She used the word white and whether you knew about the historical origins of the term great white hope, used when racists wanted to white man to defeat Jack Johnson, or not, you raised the issue of skin color. What is also troubling is reading a missive by columnist Cynthia Tucker, who happens to be black, who wrote, “I doubt she (Jenkins) meant “great white hope” literally, and she probably had no idea about its troubled origins.”  Tucker should be ashamed of herself.

By the way, Jenkins did know of the origins of the term. On  July 29th of this year she was one of those who voted to pass a resolution asking President Obama to pardon Jack Johnson. The resolution in part read, "Whereas the victory by Jack Johnson over Tommy Burns prompted a search for a White boxer who could beat Jack Johnson, a recruitment effort that was dubbed the search for the ‘great white hope.’" Confronted with this, Jenkins staff said, she hadn’t read it. 

But the latter is a moot point. Jenkins said the Republicans are struggling to find the great white hope and unless you just started walking erect in the last two seconds, you know great white hope means white person, and so, it was a racist statement. What is astonishing, and scary, is the silence of too many members of congress about her statement.