Why I Fight

Someone asked me recently what led me to become an advocate for equal rights. Good question.

There are some rather obvious answers. I was raised in a civil rights family. Our minister marched with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and both my mother and father were active in taking on things like racism, anti-Semitism, homophobia, sexism when they  crossed their paths.

Also, I’ve been lucky in a very real way. When I was a boy I was a ballet dancer. In that arena I met and knew and was friends with quite a few men who were gay. As a result I discovered there is no difference between straight men and gay men other than their sexual orientation. Then, a series of events landed me in reform school weeks after I turned 16. There were, as I recall, about 350 boys of which less than 10 were white. There I learned what it felt like to be a minority. I also learned that those who are black or Hispanic are no different than anyone else.

After I was released from reform school events propelled me into nearly three years of homelessness. During this experience I learned that if you are poor or homeless you are seen and treated as if you are less than human. But there too, there on the streets (we called it on the streets then, not homeless) I met men and women who were the same as all the other people I’d met in life.

For a time I was in a relationship with a remarkable woman who was Jewish. I was able to take part in Passover with her family and we became close  and through them, was given a deeply special close look at what her family, and other Jewish families have been through and endured for centuries.

And then, since the mid-nineties, I’ve worked with people with brain injuries like myself and other disabilities and seen and experienced the kind of brutal heartlessness and bigotry inflicted on this segment of our population.

The point is, we really are the same and we really are equal which means we all deserve equal rights.

But there is something else that must be included in the answer to the question of why I fight for equal rights: I love life. On more than one occasion mine has almost been ended: when I was shot in the head in 1984, when, in 1974, I was held at gunpoint for nearly three hours before escaping, and then again, in 1985, when, just months after being shot, I was held-up at gunpoint. Moreover, when I was homeless I  received medical treatment two times when suffering with hunger pains. And then, of course, I’ve lost three family members to suicide.

So, all this adds up to a deep love for and appreciation for life itself. And when I see forces that openly seek to deny people their right to a life of freedom and equality I’ve fought them and will continue to fight them. If I don’t, I am not only betraying my father and mother, I am betraying all those throughout my life who, because of their presence in my life, taught me we are all the same. And then there is this; if I don’t fight back, I betray life itself -  and I’ve fought to hard to keep mine to do that.

Silence is not an option

If you are going to truly be an advocate for equal rights there are a few things I’d like to share with you.

First, there will be times when you will be wildly unpopular. People in positions of power and those whose advocacy efforts are primarily a form of self-serving lip service will not like it when you bring their realities into the light. But, if your commitment to equal rights is sure and heartfelt, bringing their realities into the light is a must.

Second, there will be times when the facts, as you honestly understand them, will bring you to places and circumstances you wish they didn’t. Nevertheless, these are places you must go if your allegiance is to the equal rights of each and every individual. Sometimes the facts will lead you to places where you will discover people you may like are, in fact, part of the very process that is impeding or outright denying equal rights. Still you must proceed and bring the truth into the light.

Third, at times you will pay a price. Some advocates have lost their lives. Others have lost jobs, financial stability, relationships, and much more.

Fourth, find ways to replenish your spirit, your body and your mind. For me it’s nature, conversations with those very close to me, thinking about and reading the words of people like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, Father Mychal Judge, Gandhi, Shirley Chisholm, Soujourner Truth, Frederick Douglass, Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt and others of similar ilk. And then, of course, the people whose rights you are fighting, in my case primarily individuals with brain injuries. My life is all better and then some for knowing as many as I do. As remarkable and resilient and courageous a group of human beings as one can imagine. And then, lastly, for me, reading books!

No matter what you do to keep your spirits up, there will be times you’ll want to give up. There will be times the fear and heartbreak will be so bad you’ll want to curl up into a ball and vanish into the earth. Please don’t give up. For if you give up, you hand those who deny equality a victory because giving up means you’ve surrendered your humanity.

While I will not get into specifics at the moment, I am beginning to realize I may need to  bring certain things into the open that may bruise people I like and, perhaps, in some instances, end friendships or acquaintances. Then again, perhaps some of these individuals will look into their hearts and discover that they too will put equal rights ahead of their honest, but perhaps misguided allegiance, to governmental or private agencies as well as for-profit and non-profit companies.

We’ll see. Being an advocate can be an unsettling, upsetting, heartbreaking, and scary experience. But, the experience of remaining silent in the face of people be denied their rights would be immeasurably worse.

Now, if you’ll permit me, I’m going to go read. I wish you the best.

Actions Speak Louder than Words

Actions speak louder than words. A cliché. When I was a boy my father reminded me there are reasons clichés become clichés, and the reasons are often good ones, which I believe to be the case with actions speak louder than words.

As one who lives with a disability, in my case a brain injury, I am weary of the many who offer up words of advocacy and support for brain injury survivors yet when it comes down to standing up to those who deny our rights they do nothing.  In the world of brain injury there are all kinds of people in the profit and non-profit arenas who, when it comes to taking a stand for equal rights, fail miserably. Too many who claim to care remain silent when they know brain injury survivors are being denied equal rights, real quality care and support, meaning, in part, that those providing the care are qualified to provide the services they are being paid to provide, paid with taxpayer dollars no less!

And so it is that this year my eye will be on the actions versus words arena. When the actions don’t match the words, I’ll say so. Yes, I know, I will upset some. I don’t care. Why should I? The ones I’ll be upsetting are the ones spewing lip service. They  don’t deserve caring, not when the rights of others are being denied and their silence and inaction makes them one of the forces contributing to the denial those rights.

Everyone and every organization is fair game. I am overjoyed that my state’s new governor has made it clear ethical standards are a must and in some instances in this state, they are severely lacking. True that governor.

The Dream & The Oopsies

On this Martin Luther King Day I find myself reflecting on the many who give lip service to his dream and the too few who live the dream.

Far too many of those who voice support for equal rights cut and run if supporting equal rights proves inconvenient, or, perish the thought, costs them money. The ranks of the profits-over-people crowd remain sickeningly large.

I know one man we will call Oopsie. Oopsie, a church goer at that, voices support for equal rights, fairness, and human decency with a voice so sniffily sweet he could kill a diabetic at 100 yards. But when push comes to shove, or his income might drop a notch, his hypocrisy is revealed. Like too many others, he will preach one view as long as that view stands a chance of opening doors that will make him some money or at least not lose him any, the hell with equal rights, the Oopsies of the world say.

King’s remarkable I Have a Dream speech and the reality of his life is a reminder to all of us that the fight for equal rights requires much more than lip service. Whether by intention or default, the profits-over-people crowd – packed with Oopsies – does nothing more than support the very forces that deny equal rights.

And so on this day we pray the Oopsies among us grow their humanity; to contribute to the denial of equal rights is to diminish your own humanity and the humanity of others. In the meantime, those of us who do our best to live the dream, rather than just talk the dream, will keep on keeping on.

We miss you Martin.

We shall overcome.

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