Tag Archives: Nelson Mandela

Into the Arms of Fear

Posted on by
Reply

Other than flying out to California to visit my mother Leona when she was dying of cancer, tomorrow will be my first time on public transportation since I was shot in the head in 1984. I was shot in New York City and early tomorrow I am taking a train to New York City. I am giving a speech there tomorrow. The chilly veil of fear has me thoroughly engulfed, but I am allowing it no decision making power.

Over the years I have learned that, with rare exceptions, the healthiest way to manage fear is to stride into it, not away from it. I particularly love the phrase, It’s okay to be afraid, don’t let it scare you. It is a phrase that underscores the notion that we have a relationship with all things and, in this case, with fear. Relationships can be healthy or unhealthy, including those we have with our emotional conditions. And so, tomorrow I board a train and travel to NYC. I never thought I’d be able to do this. But, as Nelson Mandela said, “It always seems impossible until its done.”

Lest you think I have not prepared, let me assure you I have. Today I drove to the train station so I could go inside and see it and familiarize myself with it. I picked up my tickets so the task of doing so in the morning would not sit in my mind and morph into an event that would be highly problematic and, well, scary. I scoped out the parking area and visualized myself walking from the parking area to the train. I saw a newsstand and a coffee counter and, to my delight, realized I could buy a New York Times and coffee there in the morning just like my Dad did when he worked in NYC. There is something comforting to me about the presence of newspaper stands and coffee counters

I will be getting up early and so have pulled my small coffee maker out of the cabinet and have it all set up so when I wake up I will push the button and speed the comforting aroma of coffee into my day.

I will, of course, bring a book and my journal along with a twig  from my father’s grave. While I am damned scared at the moment, I somehow know I am going to have a wonderful day tomorrow.

Congratulations Mr. President

Posted on by
1

President Barack Obama is awarded the Nobel Peace Prize and there are minds among us so twisted and or self-absorbed that they see this as a negative thing. Pardon me? The leader of your country is awarded the most prestigious peace prize in the world and this is a problem?

Some claim it may impede the country’s ability to reach its goals. Are you shitting me? If a Nobel Peace Prize makes things more difficult for my country, we are in worse shape than I thought. And God forbid anyone gives credence to Mikhail Gorbachev’s and Nelson Mandela’s praise of the Nobel Committee’s decision. Hell, what would those two know? (Answer? A lot more than most.)

That Obama, a president I genuinely love and the first president in my lifetime that I’d genuinely like to meet, was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, makes perfect sense. Moreover, it is a stark and blisteringly accurate reminder of how much damage and destruction the Bush-Cheney Cowardice Cartel did to my country’s relationship to the world and its relationship to the very principles it was founded on.

Bush and Cheney were typical bullies. Both were cowards. Deferment Dick and Wimpy W did anything but step up to the plate when their country’s military needed them. Once in power they went around challenging everyone to a fight. You’re either for us or against us, you cretins! they bellowed, like the two spoiled brats they are, their fists clenched tight with a bravery that exists only when you know anyone but you has to do the fighting.

My country is arguably the most powerful country in the world. So just imagine what it was like for those in the world community when the leaders of the most powerful country in the world abandon their nation’s principles and swagger around like a drunk at a frat party looking for a fight. Imagine the relief in the world community and, by the way, in the large majority of the American Community, when an American leader emerges who is rich in strength, integrity, courage and, a trait that continues to baffle both sides of the aisle in Washington, honesty.

Congratulations, Mr. President. Your Nobel Peace Prize is richly deserved.

Waiting on Mandela

Posted on by
Reply

Most of us have ways of giving ourselves a lift out of hard times, down periods. My history has been to read about or watch films about extraordinary people or life experiences that required enormous amounts of courage to endure.

Once, many years ago, when tucked away in seclusion not long after the shooting, I watched Philadelphia and Schindler’s List in a single day. Crazy? For some, maybe. But if you’re not inspired by the mind boggling courage in both those films I feel sorry for you.

Today I am waiting for a documentary on Nelson Mandela to arrive. I can think of few people more inspiring than Mr. Mandela. The world is filled with people who talk tough when they are, in truth, anything but. Dick Cheney, for example, has the courage of a tree stump.

The really tough folks in life don’t have to say a word. They are, like my closest friend Michael (as tough as anyone I’ve ever known), proof that actions speak louder than words.

And so as the clouds outside life and the sun enters the day, I’m waiting on Mandela. I already know he is well worth the wait.

______________________________________

THE COST OF ADVOCACY – Part II

Posted on by
Reply

Seems I’ve stirred the pot a bit (Peter stirring the pot? Who would have thought?) with the last blog entry, “THE COST OF ADVOCACY.”


While some agreed with my friend’s genuine concern that I learn to pull back at times in my advocacy rather than, say, lose a job, most supported my view (a view shared by the likes of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Elie Wiesel, Mahatma Gandhi, Susan B. Anthony, Malcolm X, Nelson Mandela and others) that if you are going to be a human rights advocate, you can’t be one only when it doesn’t call on you to sacrifice or take a hit in some way.


I will not identify anyone who has responded to the last missive because those that have are people I like very much, even though, in some cases, I unflinchingly disagree with them.


One of the several who agreed with my friend’s caution said when I lose a job or take a major hit because of my unwillingness to restrain my advocacy, I “force everyone else to pay for (my) advocacy when instead of keeping quiet, getting another job, pulling back or whatever, you end up having to ask countless people including strangers to help you out because of it. Sorry, but I think your friend is right, a calm life slicing cold cuts at the deli is a perfectly acceptable way to live and also contributes to the world.”



There is no doubt working at a deli contributes to the world in a very real way. However, I would take issue with some of this person’s assertions. I don’t force anyone to do anything. Anyone who has recently helped me has done so because they care and, in most instances, are my friends. This is what friends do, it seems to me. They help each other through hard times and they don’t resent it. Not too long ago someone who is like family to me fell into hard times and I was able to send them a bit of money on a monthly basis for a little while and I felt both grate and grateful that I was able to help. So, no, I don’t force anyone to do anything.



However, this one respondent may or may not have company when it comes to the view that pulling back might be a wise thing from time to time. Yet, a closer examination of their reasoning could lead one to conclude that they are more concerned about my friends being inconvenienced than my welfare. People can share the same opinion for different reasons.



Here is what pulling back on my advocacy would mean to me (which does not mean this is what it means to others, those who agree or disagree with me). Pulling back to me means staying silent when others are being mistreated in order to keep my job, or my apartment, or home, or, for that matter, my life.



Case in point. Years ago, I moved into an attic apartment in Brooklyn after my first divorce. A close friend of mine was black. He came to see me one day. We had breakfast, talked, watched a movie, went for a walk, he went home. Moments after he left there was knock on my door. It was the landlord. They wanted to see me in their downstairs apartment. I went down to see them and they explained that while they had no problem with “his kind” visiting me, the neighbors did and so my friend could not come see me anymore.



I moved out. Was I wrong, should I have told my friend, sit tight, I’m only going to be here a year or so; you can’t come by to visit because you’re black?



A friend and I physically intervened once in a brutally violent situation on Court Street in Brooklyn when a young black man was being savagely beaten with boards and pipes because he had walked through a white neighborhood. My friend and I jumped in, shielded this bleeding battered man from a gang of more than 20 raging young whites, and, with the help of another man, kept him safe for a good 10 minutes before the police arrived.



Should we have stayed out of it so our lives would not be at risk, never mind that had we chosen to stay out of it, this young black man would almost certainly have been killed?



And what would people think the healthy choice would be were I, or they, working in a situation where blacks were called niggers or Latinos were called spics or gays were called fags or Jews were called kikes? Should silence rule so employment remains?



Don’t get me wrong. There are times when honing one’s form of advocacy is a wise choice No doubt, I could improve. We all could. But stay silent or pull back so I can keep a job or avoid inconveniencing friends? I don’t think so. Anyway, I don’t think anyone who is my friend feels inconvenienced, in large part because they know me well enough to know that if they fell on hard times, I’d help them, with joy and humility.



The best definition of humility I have ever heard was, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking less about yourself.”

____________________________________________________



2007: WOUNDS, BLESSINGS AND A THANK YOU

Posted on by
Reply

It would be inexcusable of me to end this year without thanking the more than 160 regular members of the Kahrmann Blog as well as the thousands from my country and around the world who have visited the Kahrmann Blog in 2007.

It is a humbling thing to know people from my country and from around the world think enough of what I write to read it. It is my sincere hope that all your lives are going well and, if not, that things get better for you. We all deserve to be ourselves in the world safely.

I thought I’d touch on a few things here at year’s end.

WOUNDS AND BLESSINGS

WOUNDS

Like any year, 2007 has had its share of both. As some of you know I work throughout the year with trauma survivors, primarily survivors of brain injuries but other traumas as well. Moreover, many of those I work with battle with the demons of addiction, alcoholism. One young man I worked with died this year as a result of the latter and another man my age left this world because of cancer. Not to be left out, I almost died last June when, among other things I discovered I had a heart condition, which is manageable but there nonetheless.

This year has again reacquainted me with the reality that I will not be able to have any real relationship with my 30-year-old daughter and my two grandsons, at least not now. I’ve also had to disengage from a woman I care about deeply. She and her two sons (I love them both) have a safe place in my heart, but whether the friendship resumes is yet to be seen.

Professionally I have gone through some rings of fire but so it goes when you are a human rights advocate. I’ve been one long enough to know there will some blows to endure. And I’m okay with that.

BLESSINGS

– Best of all, I am still sober. There is nothing more precious to me than my sobriety. Without it, I am done, and I know it. As a sober man for more than five years now, I am finally living life as me. My father’s death when I was 15 robbed me of sacred gift of being myself safely in the world. Sobriety returned it.

– Michael Sulsona. Michael and I have been friends for more than 30 years now and in recent years have realized and voice to each other that we have become brothers.

– Philip and Vincent Sulsona. Two young men that have called me Uncle Peter since they could talk.

– Frieda Coloccio. Frieda is Michael’s other half. She is a miracle in life who knows what loyalty of the heart means; she lives it.

– Atticus and Rowan: Two young men that will always have a place in my heart.

– Bruce Springsteen: God bless you, sir. Many times in life, your songs have helped me through the darkest times. Saw you twice this year and will see you twice next year. I hope someday we meet so I can thank you in person.

– The Kolbowski Family, for letting belong for a time.

– My three dogs: McKenzie, Milo and Charley.

– My survivors: To all the survivors I have worked with and spent time with through this state and beyond. You do more for me than I can ever hope to do for you. I love you all.

– Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Nelson Mandela: For continuing to be my guiding lights through advocacy’s toughest days.

– Bill Buse. Thank you, bro, for being the greatest therapist on earth for me, and for believing in me all these years.

– For my daughter, Jennifer and my grandsons, Daniel and Adam.

– For my Dad, who has been my guiding light all my life, even though he left this world when I was 15. You saved me when I was a boy, during the dark days of homelessness and you got me up off the ground when they shot me down, Dad. I love you, I love you, I love you.

REMEMBER TO LIVE AND LOVE YOUR LIFE

This would be my message to you, my reader.

Remember to live and love your life. Don’t miss it. It’s yours. A sweet spring rain, a soft winter snowfall, the laughter of a child, the soul warming taste of good food, all these things are as real as the reality of bills, job titles, income, your looks, your weight, your height and on and on.

Remember to live and love your life. Enjoy the buds of spring, a piece of jewelry just made, a song just sung, a guitar chord played, the rhythm of Latin drums or the soft delicious cadence of a baby laughing.

Remember to live and love your life. Enjoy what’s in the cup you have, don’t let what you think is missing stop you from enjoying what is not.

Remember to live and love your life. Don’t forget to tell those you love that you love them. No such thing as saying it too much.

******************************

Have a wonderful New Year…my love and respect to you all.

Peter