Monthly Archives: March 2009

Ex-Wives and Little Boy Biffy

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It has been a very, very long time since I have inflicted violence on anyone. However, there are times when people behave in such a way that I am inclined to think giving them a good hard crack upside their heads may, in fact, be the best move. The truth is I would not inflict violence on anyone anymore unless, of course, I was defending my life or someone else’s life; but it is, I am not embarrassed to admit, somewhat enjoyable to contemplate giving one or two people a good smack.



I recently wrote an e-mail to several people close to my ex-wife to see how she was doing. She is dealing with a rather formidable medical challenge and although it has been well over a decade since we have even seen each other, my concern and worry for her runs deep and true.



Having said that, there are a few in her, well, camp, if you will, that don’t know how to let go of the past and one, in particular, we will call him Little Boy Biffy, wrote back a pretty nasty e-mail to me. I can understand that because my e-mail inquiring about her health was certainly brutal. It read, and I quote:





Dear All,





Could someone please let me know how Paula is doing? We’d exchanged a few e-mails late last year and I last heard from her on Jan. 3. I am so deeply worried.





My prayers and best wishes and love are with her and with all of you.





Peter



Pretty rough language on my part, come to think of it. Then of course, Little Boy Biffy writes back something nasty to me which will go unquoted. Suffice it to say I invited him over in case Little Boy Biffy would like to, well, you know, tell me in person. I’d even make him a cup of coffee. I actually would. More often than not, tough guy bravado vanishes when face to face with someone, and perhaps Little Boy Biffy might learn a bit about me, and of course, I could learn about him.





But I’m not expecting any visitors. Cowards don’t respond well to invitations.

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The Freedom of You

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I remember songs.

Songs that moved my stride forward, lifted my head up. In the dark days of hunger and homelessness songs kept me warm, fed, loved, gave me air to breathe. Through all my life music carried me through Certain songs in certain times got me to the sunrise and let me rest my head in peace after sunsets drifted to deep blue, then black.

I don’t know what lifts your spirits, but I can tell you they deserve to be lifted. I don’t know what feeds your soul and fills your heart, but your soul deserves feeding and your heart has a right to be full.

Today I saw an old clip of Emerson, Lake and Palmer singing “Lucky Man,” one of those magic songs that wet my eyes and moved my heart. There were many, many others. For years Bob Dylan kept me going and for many years since it has been Bruce Springsteen.

Always Beethoven has mirrored my soul, jazz my mind, Steinbeck, Dickens, Tolstoy and others the thoughts that fill my mind.

Yet, when all is said and done, freedom seems to me to be the clarion call. Freedom for us all. Freedom to be who we are safely in the world we live in, unhindered by the bigotry and hatreds of others. Free of our histories, of the poisonous trappings of stereotypes.

Freedom to be you is what my heart and soul wishes for you.

And so, I can think of no better song then the one I place below. Paste it into your browser and enjoy. Take it with you through your days. Let it lift you, bring a smile to your face, maybe tears of joy and hope to your eyes, and fullness to your heart.

You are here to be you, it is your right to be you in freedom and peace, after all, you can’t have one without the other.

Go ahead now. Give it a listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2o9WUCqQzS0
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Getting Free of Your History

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Seems to me if you’re going to be in a relationship you might want to make sure you are free of your history first; at least free enough so you don’t wind up, consciously or unconsciously, holding the other person accountable for wrongs that may have been inflicted on you along the way. Watch out for judgment too.


While none of us, this writer included, are free of judgment, we are wise to hone our self-awareness skills in the hopes of noticing when we are engaging in patterns of judgment. Judgment can and does muck up clarity and can, if we’re not careful, cause us to lose sight of the person we are with, and then, if we don’t get hold of it, cause us to lose the person.


No one wants to be treated as someone they are not, or have cookie-cutter definitions inflicted on them because of their gender, their nationality, their sexual orientation, their religion, their height, weight, skin color, or other components of their make up, their history.


The truly breathtaking wonder and glory of each person is their individuality.


Sentences that begin all men are, all women are, all gays are, all blacks are, all whites are, all fill-in-the-blanks are, sadden me. They doom the speaker and listener to the seeing a forest without seeing the trees, and the loss inherent in that event is tragic.


John Steinbeck more than once talked and wrote about the danger of mass thinking and mass production, and warned of a dangerous result, a diminishment of the individual.

In my life I have experienced homelessness, a bit of fame early on, violence, a brain injury from getting shot, loss of family and so forth. When I am with others who have had like experiences, we are not mirror images of each other, swearda God, man. Yes, we are joined in some common experiences, and, as a result, have a bond of sorts, but we are not identical.



If individuality is lost, whether through mass thinking or those still hamstrung by their histories, the results are all of sad and tragic.


Something else just dawned on me. If we inflict generalities on those around us, without realizing it, we are denying ourselves the very real chance of fully connecting with someone. Generalities can seem to be their own defense system; but that is an insidious falsehood if ever there was one. Because the very generalities designed, consciously or unconsciously, to protect you, will be the very things that rob you of ever being fully with another person in life. In that case, your history wins.

You are the one who deserves to win

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