I know you may find what I say here hard to believe, but it’s true. As you know I have been tending to my first vegetable garden. Some of the plants are doing well but I am here to report that all 15 tomato plants have died. In fact, they were murdered. Yeah, I know, I can sense your doubt, your misgivings, thinking I’m being silly, but they were murdered and Bonnie, who I still love, had a hand in it. She got the 15 tomato cages that ultimately ended their lives.
Don’t believe me? Well then, consider this. And before you do, let me say that the vegetable coroner does not agree with me when it comes to cause of death. But I’ll get to that shortly.
I planted those tomatoes indoors when they were nothing but seeds, little adorable newborns they were. They were born free in other words. No cages or cells, no restrictions – free, I tell you, free!
And then one day in a group discussion Bonnie says, You need cages for them. Now that I think of it I am responsible too. I am guilty as well. As soon as she said the word cages I should have seen the red flag (apologies to my 15 dead red friends, potentially red friends, I should say. They would’ve been red if they’d been given half a chance). The reason I should have realized something was wrong was this: when was the last time you saw someone running down the middle of the streets bellowing, Help me! Help me! My tomatoes have escaped!! Answer? Never. Cages…really now.
But no, I believed her and one or two other helpful souls who chimed in saying¸Oh yes, Peter, they need cages.
Well, here is the truth of what happened. It is simple and tragic. I carried the 15 funnel shaped tomato cages outside and my beloved 15 baby tomato plants took one look and in unison, committed mass tomato hara-kiri. One look at those cages and they were out of there. Done, dead, over, fini, no mas.
The coroner said suicide, but I know murder when I see it.
The cages did it.