I have reason to suspect there came a time when Donald Trump said the following prayer as he was preparing to announce his candidacy for the presidency of the United States.
I know you’re listening because I donate so much money to churches you’d be stupid not to. I mean no disrespect, God, but you were stupid inventing Mexicans and I mean to set the record straight in my announcement speech. I was going to make my announcement sooner but I want those lazy workers shining up that escalator because there is no doubt I’ll be making an entrance that will go down in history.
Anyway, this isn’t exactly a new kind of prayer from me, as you’ll see, God, because it is all about me and that, as you should have learned by now, is how it should be. So here goes. Help me do things and say things that people think I should be embarrassed to say and do. Most people are stupid, Lord, and haven’t figured out that if I’m not embarrassed about this whacky comb-over of mine, there’s not a whole helluva lot that’s going to embarrass The Donald. But, I digress. Help me be up front about the hypocrite I know I am and am glad I am.”
Suddenly, honesty made an appearance, albeit a brief one, in The Donald’s prayer.
“Most of all, help me get lots of attention making an ass of myself and embarrassing myself across the country and in front of millions. Some newspaper out of England, the Guardian, asked me for my birth certificate and I told those Limeys to stuff it. I’m riding that escalator to my presidency announcement and hiring actors to applaud me. I want to make the biggest ass of myself I possibly can, God. Please help me do this.
My best to your son. Amen.”
I think it’s safe to say God heard his prayer.