Author Archives: Peter Sanford Kahrmann

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About Peter Sanford Kahrmann

Writer, disability rights advocate, civil rights advocate.

Writing Without Words

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Every writer is different. Some can write with all kinds of ambient noise going on, some need complete silence. Some can write to music, even songs. I can often write to two specific kinds of music – jazz and classical. But I can’t write to any kind of music if it has lyrics. And forget writing if the television is on. If I hear words while writing I get so caught up in the words my ability to focus on my writing, whatever its worth, goes out the window, or down the drain. Take your pick.

There are some writers who can write in any environment. Michael, the person I am closest to in the world and one of the best writers I’ve ever encountered, in person or on the page, can write sitting in the middle ring of a three ring circus while the circus is performing for a standing room only raucous crowd. I don’t know how on earth he does it and frankly I am jealous as hell.

As I write this morning I am listening to Beethoven’s Piano Concerto Number 4 in G, Op. 58. For me there is no better companion than Beethoven. He is as welcome in my world as oxygen is.

If you’ll allow me a moment to stray from the theme of this piece, Beethoven, along with the Beatles, Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen are the four sources of music and song closest to my heart and soul. Believe me, I love a wide range of music, but those four do me just fine. As for Beethoven, I’ve literally been listening to his music since before I could walk. I loved classical music all my life. My parents would tell me, however, that there was always something about Beethoven that seemed to reach the center of me. Still true. The closest to that would be Springsteen followed by a third place tie between the Beatles and Dylan.

Having said all that I have thus far, there are times, many of them, when I need total silence when I write. Times where the place writing takes me to is so, what are the words,  delicately focused, that any ambient sound will shatter the sentences in mid-air and they’ll never reach the page.

There is certainly no right or wrong about all this. The task is to get the words on the page. And, as always, there are exceptions to the rule. There is one in my case. I can listen to Springsteen while turning loose specific forms of poetry and prose.

Anyway, time for another cup of coffee and some more Beethoven.

Be well. Take care of yourselves.

Insuring Profits, Not People

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The villains in the healthcare reform battle are the Insurance Companies and the elected officials who accept their money because they are more concerned about getting re-elected than saving American lives.

Fortunately we have a president and some members of congress who are willing to take on these greed-based companies.

President Obama is fighting for us, and we need to do the same. Obama Saturday accurately blasted the insurance companies for airing “deceptive and dishonest ads” and being more concerned about their profits and bonuses than the American people. He is right.

Consider this, 77 percent of Americans favor the public option and more than 60 percent of doctors favor it. The obstacle to healthcare reform in my country is the insurance industry, plain and simple. Obama was spot on accurate when he said, of the insurance industry’s approach, “It’s bogus. And it’s all too familiar. Every time we get close to passing reform, the insurance companies produce these phony studies as a prescription and say, ‘Take one of these, and call us in a decade.’ Well, not this time.”

Consider this too. The insurance industry squawks about the establishing of a public option, claiming it won’t work and they can do a better job of providing healthcare for Americans? Really? Do tell? If you believe them, you are wrong. Were this true, and if they really gave a damn about the health of the American family, why aren’t they asking to provide care for those currently covered  by Medicaid and Medicare, both government offerings. Answer? Those covered by Medicaid and Medicare don’t make a lot of money so the insurance companies can’t add to their profits and bonuses.

Again, I plead with all my readers to call your senators and congressmen and congresswomen and tell them one simple thing: If you don’t vote for the public option I will vote against you and I will actively make sure everyone I know votes against you.

Remember, we are fighting for our lives. And they are worth fighting for, believe me, they are.

Fighting for Our Lives

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None of us have been in the same room as perfection and none of us ever will be. But I would like to think each of us has the capacity to fight for our lives. The question is, will we? Will I? Will you?

We all know people who, for reasons that can be hard to understand, won’t fight for their lives. People who leave their medical conditions unaddressed, or live with medical conditions they don’t know about because they don’t go to the doctor. I am one who is guilty of not going to the doctor enough. Remember, in this blog, I promise you honesty, not perfection.  Many of us know people who battle with substance-abuse addictions; sometimes they wear the face of booze, sometimes drugs, oftentimes both.

I have known and know people who are stopped by something or someone when it comes to declaring war against the forces that are intent on ending their lives. And if these forces can’t end life right away, they’ll damage the hell out of it in the meantime. These forces are relentless. They possess evil tenacity and zero conscience. They don’t give a rat’s ass if you are a nice person. They’re not going to leave you alone because you have a good job or nice car or because your family and friends love you.

But what stops so many of us from issuing this declaration of war against an addiction or the possibility or presence of deadly disease?

I think the answer is found in this observation. Somewhere along the line we lost sight of our value.

If we were raised in abusive households, we may never have experienced our value in the first place. If you are a member of a minority, it is not unlikely that you’ve been given the message that you are worth less than others. The reason I would urge all of you to declare war, not just against any force designed to end your life, but against influence of your history, your society or your present that stops you from seeing your value is because your value is really there. It has always been there.

Just because you can’t  experience yourself as being a worthwhile human being yet, doesn’t mean you are not a worthwhile human being. It means something or someone is stopping you from experiencing yourself accurately.

Who do you think deserves control over your experience of you? You or your history? You are something or someone in your present who gives you the message that you are worthless? I vote for you. After all, if I am right, and I am, that you truly are a valuable and extraordinary person, don’t you think you have a right to find out? I do.

When a Friend Dies

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This evening I find out a friend of mine died on October 9. He was 57 years old. I learn this and my insides fold inward, as if they are in some primal embrace.

There is no escaping from this loss. The sound of his laugh, his rapier sharp humor, his hefty wisdom streak, though I think he avoided digesting the wisdom he so generously shared with others, including me, the fact I loved him, as did many others, nothing will bring him back. The light is out.

For a time there is less oxygen in the air when a friend dies, a little less light in the day, the sun seems to dim and the stars in the sky seem hazed. It’s as if all of life is diminished by the loss. And then, as life is, you are given a chance to remember to live. You are allowed the chance to open doors and, as Thoreau said, live the life you imagined. The sun regains its strength and the air it s oxygen and the stars their luster. Life is present, and so are you. Live it.

Time will still all our voices. Until then, live. Don’t let those who wounded you in your history stop you from living your life now. I don’t care who they were. My message to you is live, remember to live. And remember to tell your friends you love them. Thankfully, my friend knew I loved him because I told him.

Rest in peace, J.B.

Dream So Bold

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In soul muscle moments our hearts unfold

Daring dreams long thought lost

And days we’d thought long gone by

With wounds paid at such a cost

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In heart smiling moments eyes glow hope

And hands glance into full hold

And here comes another sunrise

That welcomes this dream so bold

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Walk with me near and walk with me far

The rhythmic wonders of your jazz like eyes

Sends me smiling in joyous dancing

Thinkin’ maybe just maybe we’ve won the prize

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