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About Peter Sanford Kahrmann

Writer, disability rights advocate, civil rights advocate.

FATHER MYCHAL JUDGE: PATIENCE & FORTITUDE

Any time I want to right size-myself by reminding myself of what I hope to bring to the world around me, I watch “The Saint of 9/11”, an extraordinary documentary about an extraordinary man, Father Mychal Judge. Father Mychal was the New York City Fire Department’s beloved chaplain and the first officially recorded death on 9/11. He was killed by falling debris while administering last rights to a firefighter who’d been mortally wounded by a falling body.

His body was carried by firefighters and placed before the altar of St. Peter’s Church on Barclay Street.

Father Mychal Judge was gay and a recovering alcoholic. He was buried on his 23 year sober anniversary. But anyone who defines him by his gayness or by the fact that he was in recovery is missing something very important: Father Mychal Judge. No one’s true definition is driven by anything other than the sum total of who they are, which is comprised of far more than someones sexuality or the disease of alcoholism, addiction.

The power of a human being’s life is found in their humanity. If, like me, you love Bruce Springsteen, are you wondering what church he belongs to when he is singing? If, like me, you love to read, are you wondering what the authors sexuality is or was or whether they drank too much when you read their work? Has anyone slammed down Sherlock Holmes because it’s author used drugs? Has anyone turned sniffily away from the work of Edgar Allan Poe because he was an alcoholic?

The power of Father Mychal’s impact on those who knew him and those, like me, who only met him through a documentary, was his capacity to lovingly accept the people he came in contact with for who they were and his capacity to accept life as it was. In the documentary a friend of his relates how he and Father Mychal would stand in front of the main branch of the New York City Public Library. Flanking either side of the steps are sculptures of two large lions named Patience and Fortitude. Father Mychal would tell his friend how could use more of both attributes. I suspect those who knew him best would say he had more than most.
I do not in any way experience “The Saint of 9/11” as a work about a gay man or gay priest or an alcoholic man or an alcoholic priest who happened to show courage on 9/11. Instead, I experience it as being about a man who dealt with the disease of alcoholism and who happened to be gay. Each truth is but a component of the man, neither is the definition. The defining truth about Father Mychal Judge was his loyalty to God , his deep love for his fellow human beings, and his breathtaking loyalty to his firefighters. When, on 9/11, Mayor Giuliani told Father Mychal he could join the mayor’s party and go to safety, Father Mychal said, no, “I have to stay with my men.”

A friend of his said Father Mychal would often say, “Have a cup of tea and sing a song, and maybe we can find some peace and understanding.” Not a bad idea for us all.

Malachy McCourt said serving others meant the most to Father Mychal. “That was his whole thing, to serve as best he could.” And so he did, and so should we all.

MARIA, MARIA, MARIA

I can think of no better way to begin a new year than to be contacted by a friend from many years ago. Arriving home today there was an e-mail awaiting me from a professional affiliation letting me know that a friend of mine named Maria was looking for me. Soon I was listening to a warm familiar voice on my voice mail and a few minutes after that a warm familiar voice on the telephone. There is a cliche kicking about that goes something like it’s like we never missed a beat, and so it was in talking with Maria. We had not talked in more than 20 years.

I have known Maria since she was about 16 years old. She is now 47 and lives in Florida with her 12-year-old daughter. We were both working in market research when we met and while I did not ask her today, I’m quite sure we are both glad that chapter in our employment lives is behind us. While market research no doubt has its place in the social scheme of things, I don’t think either of us fit its construct with any degree of comfort.

Until today, I could have easily gone my entire life without visiting Florida. Not so any more. I plan on visiting Maria and look forward to meeting her daughter.

From the moment I met her it was clear that Maria has a heart rich with kindness. Moreover, it was clear that she was and is exceptionally bright. She sent me a recent picture and at age 47 is even more beautiful than when I knew her those many years ago. I suppose some would say it is unusual for someone to be more attractive at 47 than they were when they were in their teens and early twenties, but then this brings me to another thing that was clear about Maria from the moment I met her. She is somewhat of a nonconformist with a rebellious streak, albeit a peaceful one.

There is a part of Maria too that knows how to reach in and touch the heart if someone she cares about, no matter how much time has gone by. She did it to me today when she sent me an e-mail with poem deeply familiar to my very soul.

It reads:

In all times
And in all lives
There are moments
Filled with the sincerest love and intimacy
You and I have shared such moments
And I thank you
And love you
For those times.

It’s title is “In All Times”. It is the poem I wrote for my father just days after he died on August 16, 1969. I was 15.

It is good to hear from Maria, it is good to know she is alive and well. I am looking forward to visiting Florida, and hugging the woman who has held fast to a part of me and my father all these years.

CLINTON IN IOWA: LACKING HEART AND COURAGE

I wish I could like Hillary Clinton, but I can’t. I wish I could trust Hillary Clinton, but I can’t. I wish I could believe in Hillary Clinton’s heart and courage, but I can’t.

I am not the only one noticing the scuff marks of Clinton campaign shoe leather on Ohio Gov. Ted Strickland’s remarks in Sunday’s edition of The Columbus Dispatch. Strickland sharply criticized Iowa caucuses calling them “hugely undemocratic” because they “exclude so many people.” Wow! Really, Gov? Is that why you campaigned in Iowa with Clinton this weekend? Or did you guys use that time to create this rather obvious political ruse?

After Strickland’s remarks, the Clinton campaign quickly fired off a statement saying, in part, that Senator Clinton has “worked her heart out campaigning in Iowa because she knows it plays a unique and special role in the nominating process and that process must be protected.”

Please. Protected from what? Like it’s under attack? Spare me. Were Clinton the clear leader in Iowa, Strickland and Clinton would be calling the Iowa caucuses textbook democracy.

Even more revealing, the Clinton Campaign announced she would not be in Iowa caucus night because she needs to move on to New Hampshire.

So what about your heart and courage, Senator? Don’t you have the heart and courage to stand with your Iowa supporters and staff when the results some in? Apparently you don’t. Now that I do believe.

2007: WOUNDS, BLESSINGS AND A THANK YOU

It would be inexcusable of me to end this year without thanking the more than 160 regular members of the Kahrmann Blog as well as the thousands from my country and around the world who have visited the Kahrmann Blog in 2007.

It is a humbling thing to know people from my country and from around the world think enough of what I write to read it. It is my sincere hope that all your lives are going well and, if not, that things get better for you. We all deserve to be ourselves in the world safely.

I thought I’d touch on a few things here at year’s end.

WOUNDS AND BLESSINGS

WOUNDS

Like any year, 2007 has had its share of both. As some of you know I work throughout the year with trauma survivors, primarily survivors of brain injuries but other traumas as well. Moreover, many of those I work with battle with the demons of addiction, alcoholism. One young man I worked with died this year as a result of the latter and another man my age left this world because of cancer. Not to be left out, I almost died last June when, among other things I discovered I had a heart condition, which is manageable but there nonetheless.

This year has again reacquainted me with the reality that I will not be able to have any real relationship with my 30-year-old daughter and my two grandsons, at least not now. I’ve also had to disengage from a woman I care about deeply. She and her two sons (I love them both) have a safe place in my heart, but whether the friendship resumes is yet to be seen.

Professionally I have gone through some rings of fire but so it goes when you are a human rights advocate. I’ve been one long enough to know there will some blows to endure. And I’m okay with that.

BLESSINGS

– Best of all, I am still sober. There is nothing more precious to me than my sobriety. Without it, I am done, and I know it. As a sober man for more than five years now, I am finally living life as me. My father’s death when I was 15 robbed me of sacred gift of being myself safely in the world. Sobriety returned it.

– Michael Sulsona. Michael and I have been friends for more than 30 years now and in recent years have realized and voice to each other that we have become brothers.

– Philip and Vincent Sulsona. Two young men that have called me Uncle Peter since they could talk.

– Frieda Coloccio. Frieda is Michael’s other half. She is a miracle in life who knows what loyalty of the heart means; she lives it.

– Atticus and Rowan: Two young men that will always have a place in my heart.

– Bruce Springsteen: God bless you, sir. Many times in life, your songs have helped me through the darkest times. Saw you twice this year and will see you twice next year. I hope someday we meet so I can thank you in person.

– The Kolbowski Family, for letting belong for a time.

– My three dogs: McKenzie, Milo and Charley.

– My survivors: To all the survivors I have worked with and spent time with through this state and beyond. You do more for me than I can ever hope to do for you. I love you all.

– Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Nelson Mandela: For continuing to be my guiding lights through advocacy’s toughest days.

– Bill Buse. Thank you, bro, for being the greatest therapist on earth for me, and for believing in me all these years.

– For my daughter, Jennifer and my grandsons, Daniel and Adam.

– For my Dad, who has been my guiding light all my life, even though he left this world when I was 15. You saved me when I was a boy, during the dark days of homelessness and you got me up off the ground when they shot me down, Dad. I love you, I love you, I love you.

REMEMBER TO LIVE AND LOVE YOUR LIFE

This would be my message to you, my reader.

Remember to live and love your life. Don’t miss it. It’s yours. A sweet spring rain, a soft winter snowfall, the laughter of a child, the soul warming taste of good food, all these things are as real as the reality of bills, job titles, income, your looks, your weight, your height and on and on.

Remember to live and love your life. Enjoy the buds of spring, a piece of jewelry just made, a song just sung, a guitar chord played, the rhythm of Latin drums or the soft delicious cadence of a baby laughing.

Remember to live and love your life. Enjoy what’s in the cup you have, don’t let what you think is missing stop you from enjoying what is not.

Remember to live and love your life. Don’t forget to tell those you love that you love them. No such thing as saying it too much.

******************************

Have a wonderful New Year…my love and respect to you all.

Peter

DIALOGUE: LISTENING ON PURPOSE

SCENE: MAN AND WOMAN OUT FOR A DRIVE.

W – I’ve been thinking about bringing more vintage clothes into the shop. Quite honestly, they are selling very well. I love it when I’m able to choose something and it works out. I’ve been rather lucky like that. Remember when I had all those bags? They sold right away. It’s the same thing with the vintage clothes; they’re selling almost as fast as I put them out. (Long pause). Okay, enough. Stop it.

M- What?

W- You know. Just stop it. You now exactly what you’re doing?

M- What am I doing?

W- I don’t have to tell you, you know.

M- I don’t, swear to God, I really don’t. Maybe if you tell me I’ll know what I’m supposed to stop.

W- Want me to tell you?

M- That would be helpful.

W- Your being quiet on purpose when I’m talking.

M- I’m what?

W- You heard me. You’re being quiet when I talk and you’re doing it on purpose.

M- Sorry. I’ll try and do it by accident from now on.

W- Thank you, sweetie. Don’t you think it’s a good idea, more vintage clothes?