Memo to Maureen Dowd and Frank Rich

Lord knows I like columnists Maureen Dowd and Frank Rich very much. But humble up for God sakes and get over yourselves. Obama isn’t in office three months yet and already you two are taking prepubescent runs at him. Please note, I write about these two columnists because I really do respect them. Believe me, I’m not going to write anything like this about the likes of Bill “Lufa” O’Reilly, Sean “Brylcream” Hannity or that skeevy little twit, Glenn Beck, because those three were apparently put on earth to drool poison, dribble dishonesty and sweat hatred.



Dowd and Rich are without question class acts who despite being so, could use a dose of humility, and a nudge once in awhile to get themselves right sized, as it were.



In today’s NY Times Dowd is whining that we “less smooth jazz and more martial brass,” comparing Obama’s extraordinary calm to smooth jazz. Maureen, if you want martial brass, start a band. Most Americans are grateful for a calm non-panicking president. Relax. And, by the way, we could all use a little more jazz in life.



Rich writes, “A charming visit with Jay Leno won’t fix it”, it being the economy. Thanks for the heads up, Frank. I’m sure the president and the rest of us really were thinking: Wow, he’s on Leno, our economy is saved. Relax, Frank. Maybe many Americans were happy to see him (20 million watched, bro) and maybe just maybe his going on Leno reminds all of us that it is okay to keep on living and enjoying life. That’s a pretty nice message to get when we so many of us are struggling don’t you think? And an even nicer message when it is coming from – wait for it – our president!



Sometimes I wonder if some columnists fear they would go into some kind of inner churning withdrawal if they were to say go a couple of days without criticizing someone and, perish the thought, try on the possibility that maybe they don’t know all the answers themselves.



Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself, folks, it is thinking less about yourself. So relax, breathe, turn on Leno and watch like the rest of us. You might actually have a nice time. We did.

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PRESIDENT BUSH IS…WELL, CRAZY

In her column today New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd, one of my favorite columnists, points out that some are “flummoxed about why the president is in such a fine mood” despite the carnage of war, a plummeting economy, and a more-hated-than-ever United States around the world.

The answer as to why Bush is in such a jovial mood is, I believe, wonderfully explained by comedian Lewis Black, one of my favorite comedians.

Mr. Black talks about Bush visiting wounded American veterans in Brooke Army Medical Center in Texas. Bush tells these vets, most of whom were amputees during the visit Mr. Black is referring to, that he too has been injured, sustaining a scratch in a fight with a Cedar Tree that, the president points out, is a fight he won. Mr. Black points out that if you are the president you should know where you are in the space-time continuum.

In another bit, Mr. Black talks about being home alone and watching Bush talk on television. Mr. Black says that in a way it was just the two of them, and, he realized, one of them was crazy, and, Mr. Black says, he was not the crazy one. This brings me back to Ms. Dowd’s noticing that many are baffled about why the president is in such a good mood given the mess our country is in.

Here, I think, is the answer. He is crazy, mentally ill, messianic, nuts, out of his mind, bonkers, wacko, both oars not in the water, not firing all eight, not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

But worst of all – he is dangerous.