Monthly Archives: January 2009

OUT OF THE REACH OF WORDS

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Her face is out of the reach of words. Gently sculpted, luminous eyes, Michelangelo mouth, all out of the reach of words, at least my words. They cannot get near the depth of her look, the substance there that makes me want to go deeper, learn more, breathe in all that is there.


Like a little boy I look away, then quickly look back because I want to make sure that what I have seen is real and not a mirage. Her miracle face is still there and now I wonder if maybe I’m dreaming so I try and shake myself from sleep, but nothing happens because I am not asleep. I am awake.


If I am awake and her face is still before me then maybe I have died and now I am in heaven. Then I see the phone bill on my writing table and in an instant know I have not died and I am not in heaven because, while I may not be the brightest man on the planet, I know there are no phone bills in heaven.


So this earthly face before me is real. And I see, and smile, and remember to breathe…and am warmed by gratitude and set down my pen because I know I cannot come close. But I can remember to breathe – and smile – and breathe again.

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FOR ME TO SEE

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I have been having
Dare to dream moments
And wonder should I
In some way have
My head examined

There is the soft
Embrace of morning quiet
When the mind clarity
And heart thinks
Maybe dreams of old

Still come true maybe
With sun rising still
And sweet peace mornings
Mist blooms then leaves
The earth for me to see
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LOVE AND HEALING FROM FEAR

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Love. Is it the all too elusive nectar for the human soul? The base alloy of real human intimacy? The spiritual adhesive that joins lives with indelible bonds? Or, is it all of these combined and even more that rests out of the reach of words, at least out of reach of any words penned by this writer?

I do not pretend to know the answer, at least not in its entirety. I do know love is an overused word that is all too often said as ploy to get something from another human being. As a result, those who use the word love with sincerity and devotion are often not heard and not believed.

In some romantic unions, things have evolved to a place or, in some instances, always were in a place where each nothing more than a tenant in the other person’s life. In a recent blog piece I wrote about the distinction between a strategic exchange relationship and a communal relationship. The former is a relationship in which one person is seeking to get something or give something to the other in part by convincing them that the relationship is based on true intimacy. These are the relationships that dry up and grow brittle from lack of nutrition and either come to a painful end, or condemn the two people to an unhappy life because both are two afraid to claim their independence and by doing so reclaim their lives and thus reclaim themselves.

The communal relationship is the kind of relationship so many in their hearts honestly want, It is a relationship where there is real spiritual, emotional and physical intimacy. These relationships last because they have the nutrition of real love and thus real intimacy, and there is no better nutrition than that duo, at least not in this writer’s view.

But what of those who really do love someone and know they are loved in return, but cannot find a way to allow the experience, even though it is an experience the truly want and deserve? What then? I don’t know.

I don’t know how to help anyone discover they have a right to fully love and fully be loved. I don’t know how to help someone take decision making power away from their history, for it is there that the damage was done, it was there that the pain was inflicted, and it was there that the seeds of fear were sown.

What I do know about fear is that the only way to get free of it is to allow yourself to go through it. It is okay to be afraid, don’t let it scare you. And if the experience of loving someone and being loved by someone is there for you, can there be a more powerful medicine for healing from fear?

Love. There is nothing more beautiful and, if allowed its life, nothing more majestic, more nutritious and more powerful. This I believe. And I believe it with all my heart.
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THERE IS SOMETHING MISSING

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I am at Barnes and Noble on Wolf Road in Albany, it is just a minute or two past noon. Took myself out for coffee and two oatmeal raisin cookies; I am splurging.


It dawns on me that everything I am looking at was created by human beings. Born from the thoughts and creativity of human beings; mind you, in some cases, born from lack of creativity.



With some exceptions most of the books are essentially sprung from one mind with the attending influences of editors, agents and publishers. But it’s more than the books. The rugs, shelves, tables, chairs, lighting, wall colors, and more are all designed by people and ,more often than not, all of these things are driven in some significant measure by the desire to get something from people. Their money.



A woman just passed me wearing a rather nondescript winter jacket with the name of designer, Kenneth Cole, printed in large letters on the back, up where her shoulder blades are. This would make sense to me if it was a jersey for a sports team but, call me crazy, I’m having a hard time believing her name is Kenneth Cole.


I don’t want somebody’s name written on my clothing. But in this case, the name Kenneth Cole is their to assist in the effort to relieve people of their money.


Yet, who am I to judge?


There are a lot of people in this world making a lot of things and they bring a range of motivations to their work. There are authors, fashion designers and more who give their heart and soul to their work and are wonderfully creative. I was involved with a woman for awhile who made jewelry. But, using the word made understates the quality and result of her efforts. She created jewelry.


I do have one observation here that troubles me. Everything I see in front of me is human-driven and there is something missing. Something so essential to the human experience none of us would be alive without it. Nature. The unfettered, unabbreviated by people, reality of nature.


Nature’s truth. There is something essential, something spiritually, emotionally and physically nutritious for all of us in nature. Something I believe we ought to know, touch, see, smell, breathe, taste. That something I believe is, in a word, life. The light inside the bulb, the thought inside the mind, and the spirit that lives and breathes in every heart.


I do not pretend to know what happens to us after this life, if anything. But I strongly believe that if there is something after this life, we will be less suited for it if we stay isolated from nature.


Last thought, for now. Nature heals. And from my heart to your heart, we deserve to heal, you deserve to heal.

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DEAR MARTIN – WORDS FOR A KING

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Dear Martin,


I have looked up to you since I was a little boy. I was only 14 years old when you were killed. I cried until my eyes were swollen and when we went to church that Sunday our minister, who had marched with you many times, told all of us that the American family had a role in your death. That this country, my country, had been crippled by the poison of racism, of hatred. He called on each of us to carry your message and work hard for your dream. To work hard for the day when children and adults were no longer judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.


We are closer, Martin. We are closer. This Tuesday, the day after the day honoring you, the first African American will become the president of the United States. My eyes flood with tears of joy just writing that sentence.


The struggle for equal rights goes on on many fronts. You have been my role model in my efforts, although I have yet to reach your place of faith and spirituality. But I have held you close to my heart all these years, and having you there helps me. The price I have paid for my part in civil rights pales by comparison to the price paid by so many good and decent people. some paying with their lives, a price I am humbly willing to pay as well to assure justice and equality for all people.





Not long ago I was pushed out of a health care company because they needed to evict a voice they could not silence, a voice that insisted that the people receiving services there be treated with respect and given choice. In the scheme of things, my price was a small one.


You once said, “Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle.” So true.


I don’t know what remains for me in life. But I do know that I am blessed to be on the board of an association that works with people who have survived brain injuries and I was recently appointed to a council that works heart-and-soul hard to make sure people with disabilities are afforded the chance to be as independent in the world we all live in, which includes equal rights.


God bless you, Martin, wherever you are. If you see my father and my family, give them my love and let them know I am doing my best. Perhaps they already know. I’m never quite sure about that one.


I’m going to include a link below for my readers to go to so they can see your “I Have a Dream Speech.”


Thank you, Martin, for all you’ve done for all. The struggle continues for many, and I will be in it until my last breath.


With love and respect,


Peter



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEMXaTktUfA&feature=related

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