Condoleezza Rice Insults Mammals: Mammal Status Now in Jeopardy

Condoleezza Rice insulted all mammals Monday when she told Stanford students that al Qaeda is a greater threat to the United States than the Nazis were. A mammal herself, though no longer a mammal in good standing, Rice’s bizarre and bogus claim has resulted in a furious uproar throughout the entire mammal community.

The lead council of the WMA (World Mammal Association) will go into emergency session in Brussels later today to consider revoking Rice’s mammal status. One person close to the council, who asked that her name not be revealed, said some council members question whether Rice was ever a mammal in the first place. “After all, there is something rather reptilian about her appearance, look at that face!” the source said.

Seaworld in Orlando Florida this morning reported that Shamu, the killer whale, held a closed door midnight meeting with several dolphins and they unanimously agreed to go on strike until Rice recants.

“She is a disgrace to all mammals past and present,” a visibly angry Shamu told members of the media after the meeting. Shamu and the dolphins refused to take questions.

Roa the Kiwi said Rice was, “a whack job.”

Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan released a statement late yesterday saying Rice’s statement reveals “she may be assertive but she is anything but calm. As a result of her disgusting assertion, all my dogs met and have chosen to go on a hunger strike. My family and I are considering joining them. After all, we are all mammals; Rice has disgraced us all.”

On the local level, this writer met this morning with his three dogs, two squirrels, three chipmunks, one deer (a doe), and a rabbit named Murphy with abnormally large buck teeth. All of us agreed that Rice may well be taking steroids because that would explain her behavior, not to mention her reptilian appearance.


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