Laundromats, Seniors & the Joy of New Friendship

These two are more proof that holding to the belief that aging diminishes the mind is just about as foolish (and tragic) an undertaking as one can find. I am at the laundromat because the belt on my dryer decided to break (perhaps boredom resulting from going round and round in one bloody direction for years caused it to snap, who knows.) when I am approached by a delightful couple who ask, "Is that your Rav outside?"  They are asking about my Toyota Rav4.

"It is," I say.

"How is it?" says the man, "We’re thinking about a new car."

"Let’s have a look," I say, and the three of us walk out to the car.

We introduce ourselves. They are Joe and Jean. He is 81, she is 82. They are both bursting with life, vitality, rapier sharp intelligence, and the kind of warm good humor and kindness you wish were present in all people. They met at the University of Connecticut. He was studying business, she was studying nursing. Joe is from Hastings on the Hudson in New York, just north of Yonkers. Like me, he is a Yankees fan. Jean is from Seymour Connecticut and seems to be  Yankees fan as well.

Soon they are sitting in my Rav, front doors open, as I explain the ins and outs of the vehicle. Next we three are simply standing and talking, the conversation delicious with content, curiosity, and the gift of mutual listening.

As we talk I realize I could be friends with these two in a heartbeat, and so I give each one of my cards and urge them to stay in touch. We talk aging. All three of us are well aware of the importance of exercise, though they are clearly more diligent about exercising than I am.

"You know what they say," Joe says. "You just walk a few blocks every day. Then add on a little at a time."

"When we’re home and watching TV, I just don’t sit there," Jean says. "I get up and walk around during commercials, keep moving."

"I like to park far away from the supermarket so I have to walk," I say. When they both nod their approval of this I want to hug them. I like these two.

"Building muscle is important too," Joe continues. "This fellow I read talks about fat being the fuel and muscle being the engine that needs the fuel. You build up some muscle, it draws from the fat. Even after you’re done, it keeps doing this until you get back to, well -"

"Your baseline," I say.

"Right, your baseline."

During this conversation they ask if I’ve heard of Sally Fallon and I say no.  "She’s done a lot of writing about processed food," Jean says. "They take all the good stuff out and put bad stuff in."

"Stay away from dried cereal," Joe says. I make a mental not to read up on Sally Fallon and avoid dry cereal until I learn more.

When I leave the laundromat we say our farewells. I feel a sense of sadness when I drive away, the little boy in me hoping they will write to me. I’d like to know them and spend more time with them.

At any rate, if you are one of the far too many who by choice and deed marginalizes the seniors in this country, let me say two things to you. You should be ashamed of yourself and I bet you eat too much dry cereal.

**********

For all Seniors, keep on walking and the hell with the naysayers.

A Head’s Up to NFL’s Goodell & Smith

National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell and DeMaurice Smith, executive director of the N.F.L. players association, should have their heads examined.

Asked by a member of a Congressional Committee if he believe head injuries can lead to dementia, the where-did-I-leave-my-IQ-this-time Goodell said, “The answer is, medical experts would know better than I do.”

As one who has lived with a head injury for more than 25 years and worked in the field for 15 of those years, the NFL’s lack of response to the life threatening and life damaging presence of head injuries is a disgrace and ought to be against the law. In fact, given the amount of evidence documenting the danger of blows to the head, why not charge some folks with manslaughter, or second-degree murder?

Smith rides the same “train” as Goodell. Smith said while the players will bargain for safety, they “will not bargain for medical care.” Are you kidding me? The NFL is an $8 billion dollar a year business, given the amount of brain damage done to players as a result of hard hits, Smith thinks bargaining for medical care is a no go?

Let me dispel a myth held by some straight away. Brain injuries, which is what head injuries are, don’t go away. They don’t heal and get all better like a cut on the finger. They are permanent, and their impact on someone’s life changes over time. Just a few years ago I could work full time without much of a problem. Now, fatigue related to the injury has reached a point where I can’t work full time anymore.

Goodell and Smith should have their heads examined, and once what I suspect to be true is established, that both heads are empty, they should be replaced.

Until Tomorrow’s On

Let me swing your taste in movement and swirls, the skin on skin shifting until light returns, making magic ‘neath the covers until tomorrow’s on.

Sing your dancing words close to my ear, telling secrets for no one but me, making magic in the sunshine until tomorrow’s on.

Move me tender in sweet words embrace, you’re the shift-shift rhythm of jazz,  and we’re dancing magic until tomorrow’s on.

What’s that you say, there’s more to come, dancing in the night-time sun, we’ll be making magic until tomorrow’s on.

We Never Said Goodbye

*

Feet striding on pavement cold stride for a man and stride for the old

Cold hands clap and memory’s fade the tombstone drifts in the evening shade

Songs of peace and songs of war don’t mean a thing to me anymore

I know good and I know bad the last is all now since what we had

*

Where have you gone doesn’t anyone know 

Nobody warned me there’s no place to go

Where have you gone I can’t stop the day

We never said goodbye we never had our say.

*

Hunger’s rhythm is hard to do I’m survivin’ it’s beat for no one but you

Strangers pass me by not sayin’ not a word not even a hi

Dylan sings Like a Rolling Stone knowing dreams like these you go alone

I would give my life to see your face one more moment one more embrace

*

Where have you gone doesn’t anyone know 

Nobody warned me there’s no place to go

Where have you gone I can’t stop the day

We never said goodbye we never had our say

*

For you, Dad.

Second Chances

Escaping the moment of death can be a life changing experience for the better. Some might think escaping the moment of death is always a life changing for the better, but sadly this is not so. Many who have had this moment, I am one of them, are initially filled with gratitude and pledge new beginnings and then, when the immediacy of the event fades, we drift back into our old patterns. I know I did.

The question is what stops so many of us from reclaiming our lives in a way that lasts and truly frees of us of unhealthy life patterns and lifts us into healthy life patterns. I think the answer here is often found in the message or messages we’ve received in life that told us we are worthless. For some of us, these messages were inflicted by members of our family. Still others may have received these messages in other life arenas. I know, for example, that during my days of homelessness I was, more often than not, treated by the world as if I had less value than dirt.

Messages from our personal histories that impede our ability to experience our value and worth need to be banished. If not checked and eradicated, they can damage and even end our lives. They don’t deserve this kind of power. In fact, they deserve no power at all.

I was able to discover or rediscover my value when I got sober. I can’t tell anyone else what they should or shouldn’t do to discover or rediscover their value. However, I can tell you that you are wise to surround yourself with people who know your value and love you for it, people who are unflinchingly honest and will let you know when the villain messages are controlling you.

Whether you have the courage to listen is up to you.