Many things join us as people. Music is one of them. Since before I could walk Beethoven was my favorite composer. And so, this is my gift to you. And while I have sent this to some of those close to me already, there are nearly 2,000 people that read this blog on a regular basis, and I am very grateful and humbled by this. And so, let this be my gift to you, all of you, as you begin 2013. Be well, be safe, remember to live.
And now, have some
This has been a year of delicious reading for me. I’ve made friends with Anthony Trollope, Edith Wharton, and Saul Bellow to name a few. Trollope’s autobiography led me to feel great affection for him. I don’t know what I’d do without reading. I love books. I am utterly perplexed by those who don’t, and, frankly, feel a bit sorry for them. Books offer an endless number of experiences. The date at the end of each entry is the date I finished the book.
Books read in 2012
1) “Over by the river & other stories” by William Maxwell 1-5-12
2) “Ghost Soldiers,” by Hampton Sides 1-17-12
3) “Ethan Frome,” by Edith Wharton 1-19-12
4) “Far from the Madding Crowd,” by Thomas Hardy 1-30-12
5) “The Age of Innocence,” by Edith Wharton 2-7-12
6) “Madame Bovary,” by Gustave Flaubert 2-16-12
7) “Summer,” by Edith Wharton 2-19-12
8) “The Warden,” by Anthony Trollope 2-26-12
9) “A Ladder of Years,” by Anne Tyler 3-1-12
10) “The Woman in White,” by Wilkie Collins 3-19-12
11) “Barchester Towers” by Anthony Trollope 4-6-12
12) “Autobiography of Anthony Trollope” by Anthony Trollope 4-19-12
13) “Dr. Wortle’s School,” by Anthony Trollope 4-23-12
14) “The Meaning of Everything,” by Simon Winchester 5-9-12
15) “Ragtime,” by E.L. Doctorow 5-26-12
16) “The Haunted Bookshop,” by Christopher Morley 6-12-12
17) “The Way We Live Now Vol. I,” by Anthony Trollope 6-27-12
18) “The Way We Live Now Vol. II” by Anthony Trollope 7-7-12
19) “The New York Stories of Edith Wharton” by Edith Wharton 7-20-12
20) “Of Human Bondage” by W. Somerset Maugham 7-30-12
21) “Dr. Thorne,” by Anthony Trollope 8-26-12
22) “The Given Day,” by Dennis Lehane 9-8-12
23) “Moonlight Mile,” by Dennis Lehane 9-10-12
24) “Shutter Island,” by Dennis Lehane 9-14-12
25) “Fiddlers,” by Ed McBain 9-20-12
26) “Fat Ollie’s Book,” by Ed McBain 9-25-12
27) “Walking to Gatlinburg,” by Howard Frank Mosher 10-12-12
28) “Pnin,” by Vladimir Nabokov 10-17-12
29) “Life Class,” by Pat Barker 10-23-12
30) “Anthony Trollope: A Victorian in his world,” Richard Mullen 10-31-12
31) “The Dangling Man,” by Saul Bellow 11-5-12
32) “The Victim,” by Saul Bellow 11-10-12
33) “Herzog,” by Saul Bellow 11-18-12
34) “Roseanna,” by Maj Sjöwall & Per Wahlöö 11-21-12
35) “The Man who went up in smoke,” by Maj Sjöwall & Per Wahlöö 11-22-12
36) “Every Last One,” by Anna Quindlen 11-25-12
37) “Humboldt’s Gift,” by Saul Bellow 12-8-12
38) “More Die of Heartbreak,” by Saul Bellow 12-16-12
39) “Tinkers,” by Paul Harding 12-20-12
40) “Clarence Darrow: Attorney for the Damned,” by John A. Farrell 12-26-12
This is not the first and will not be the last time I write about my father, Sanford Cleveland Kahrmann. He was (and is) the greatest gift life has ever given me. Yes, he died way too soon at age 55 (I was 15), but his presence in my life for those 15 years and for every single day since (death only takes away so much) has made all the difference in the world for me.
I miss him on a daily basis and would give anything to be able to sit and talk with him for hours (and hug him). After he died I learned some things about his life I’d like to ask him about. When he was alive I knew he was in the U.S. Army in World War II and I knew he was in the 20th Armored Division. It was only a few years ago that I learned the 20th was one of the three American divisions to liberate the Dachau Concentration Camp. Like most war veterans, my father never talked about it.
All of us have relationships with our histories. Much of getting to a healthy place in life revolves around getting free of the damaging messages we received about ourselves when we were growing up, when we were too young to have any reference point to tell us what we were being told about ourselves was wrong. People (often family members) saying: You’re stupid, too fat, too thin, too ugly, too intense, the cause of all our problems…and then of course, the are those children who’ve been on the receiving end of abuse: verbal, physical, sexual, where your entire being gets the message that you are unforgivably inhuman, worse than dirt. Also damaging is the messages some get that they are smarter, better, superior than others. One’s self-image is badly skewed when on the receiving end of falsehoods like those.
Getting free of these messages may seem impossible. Not so. If you were (or are) lucky, you had someone like my father in your life. Someone who simply loved you for being you. All you had to do was be yourself to be loved and accepted, and in that, you got to discover that there is such a thing as being safe with another human being. It’s a helluva lifeline, I can tell you. Perhaps there is someone in your life who loves you like that now. I hope so.
At this writing I am 59 and I’ve been on my own since I was 16. Were it not for the presence of my father in my life I would not be alive. Some have said it was an act of courage for me to get back to my feet after being shot in the head at point-blank range. Maybe so. But, if so, my father (and my then seven-year-old daughter) provided the ignition that allowed what courage I have its full rein.
I’m not entirely sure what prompted me to write about my father today. It may be because we are closing in on the end of a year and about to start a new one. I tend to get a bit reflective around this time of the year.
By proposing a program of armed guards for the nation’s schools, the National Rifle Association’s executive vice-president Wayne LaPierre today acknowledged there is a problem with the proliferation of guns in today’s society. After all, you can’t proclaim a need for armed guards in the nation’s schools and deny there’s a gun problem in the same breath.
In proposing the National School Shield Program, LaPierre, who would not take questions from the press, said, “The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.”
Not surprisingly, LaPierre did not address how easy it is for the “bad guys” to get guns. He uttered not a syllable about the country’s lax gun law’s nor did he say a word about the gun show loophole, itself a major resource for the “bad guys” when it comes to buying weaponry. There are an estimated 5,000 gun shows a year; in 33 states private gun owners can sell guns and buyers are not required to undergo federal background checks.
Now why, given that gun shows are an easy way for the “bad guys” to get guns, did LaPierre not say anything? Because, for the NRA leadership (and the gun manufacturers they worship), access to guns for anyone and everyone, “good guy” or “bad guy,” is more important than the safety of our citizens, including our most precious citizens, our children.
How LaPierre remained straight-faced when he said, “The truth is that our society is populated by an unknown number of genuine monsters, people that are so deranged, so evil, so possessed by voices and driven by demons that no sane person can ever possibly comprehend them,” while at the same time knowing the NRA is perhaps the leading perpetrator in blocking any reasonable effort to make it harder for the so-called evil people to get guns is beyond me.
Bill Moyer’s was right when he said, “The NRA is a killer instinct’s best friend.” Let’s not forget that the NRA opposed a bill that sought to block the sale of Teflon (cop-killing) piercing bullets to the general public.
There is no question a tapestry response is needed to address the underlying causes (violent video games and movies) for mass murders like the one in Newtown, Connecticut. But to do so without addressing the need for responsible gun control measures is like trying to address the challenge of lung cancer without addressing (or mentioning) smoking.
The NRA does not seem to care about facts, only posturing, and any excuse under the sun to add more guns to an already gun-drenched society.
If our leaders show a tenth of the courage the staff of the Sandy Hook Elementary School did in protecting the children with their lives, then perhaps responsible gun control measures, like a real assault weapons ban, closing the gun show loophole, and limiting the number of rounds a magazine can hold, to name three, might come to pass. If not, there will be many more Newtowns.
Damned if I understand why some seemingly decent people are about as responsive to facts as a cluster of tree stumps. On top of that, there is a disturbing instinct in some to protect guns before children. On top of that, there are some who seem to think knives are as much if not more dangerous than guns (that must be why so many of today’s modern armies are throwing away their firearms and replacing them with steak knives).
I do understand that we are a culture addicted to violence. We are a culture that has come to believe that an accurate measure of one’s strength is one’s capacity to inflict violence. We are also a culture that has taken the Second Amendment and morphed it into meaning something it doesn’t mean. The Second Amendment does not mean the founding fathers, had they known, would think it would be just peachy for citizens to own assault weapons, that it would be okay to buy thousands of rounds of ammunition at a time. They would no doubt be troubled by the fact it is easier in some areas of the country to buy an assault weapon and thousands of rounds of ammunition than it is to get a driver’s license.
As Bill Moyer’s said, and I quoted in a recent commentary for Independence Today, the NRA is “a killer instinct’s best friend.”
The penchant for some to blame the killings at Sandy Hook Elementary School solely on mental illness, or medication (anything but guns), is disheartening. Yes, without question, the issue is more than simply guns and the desperate need for responsible gun control measures, but the other elements of the issue must not be used as a reason to turn our attention away from the need for gun control.
For those who cling to the utterly misguided belief that knives are just as dangerous as guns (assault weapons), consider this: knives are not want these mass murderers of our innocents are choosing, they are choosing assault weapons. (Note to reader: I do not expect this fact to make one iota of difference to those clinging to the knife-worse-than-gun myth. Nor do I expect the following facts to make a difference to those who seek to protect guns before people, but, perhaps in some cases, I’ll be wrong. Let’s hope.).
For those who care about facts, you’re in my prayers. For those who don’t care about them or believe them, you’re in my prayers too, and that’s a fact.
Peter S. Kahrmann - Est. 1953 