Author Archives: Peter Sanford Kahrmann

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About Peter Sanford Kahrmann

Writer, disability rights advocate, civil rights advocate.

Sanctuary

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All of us deserve a sanctuary in life, more than one if we’re lucky.

I find sanctuary on the page, a place to come to, go to, a place that as long as I am breathing is always there. It is a place where I can read the words of others and a place where words from my pen can spill out and try to find their way. My words may not dazzle or be of any particular value to anyone but me, but they are mine, and, over the years, we have become good friends.

Words are living things, individuals all. They have expression and scent and color and tone; they come in all different shapes and sizes.  They are, for me, great company. I  don’t know how I could go through life or if I’d even want to go through life without books.

I could no more survive the absence of books than I could the absence of air.

The Frontal Lobe: Riding the Waves

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Emotion is the fuel.

Many of us who live with frontal lobe damage have to wait for a wave of emotion in order to get things done. Absent emotion, many tasks lapse into stillness. Years ago I worked with a young man  whose physical functioning made it impossible for him to manually power a wheelchair so a power chair was ordered. He’d sustained his brain injury from a motorcycle accident. The day his power chair arrived he was overjoyed.

Once he was situated in the chair I said, “Okay bro, rock on. Kick your injury’s ass.” He drove that chair out into the hall, made a right and drove down the hall a good 20 yards or so, navigating the chair beautifully. He then came to a stop. I caught up with him and said, “You can do it, don’t let the injury control you, go for it.” And off he went, but this time only half the distance he covered the first time. After a time, no matter what I said, he didn’t drive the chair.

Confused, I talked to a neuropsychologist.  She explained what was happening. “The emotion provides the fuel for the action.  It temporarily overrides the frontal lobe damage. As soon as the emotion fades, the injury takes over.”

And so it is that many of us who live with frontal lobe damage wait for those waves of emotion to get certain things done. I do this with my writing. There are all kinds of things I want to write, I’m working on three books for God sakes. But unless I can locate an emotional wave to ride, I can’t get myself to the writing table. It is the same with this blog,  I have ideas for essays, but unless I can locate an emotional wave, I can’t get them written.

Those who work with brain injury survivors need to understand this, if they want to be effective in their work. Too often I have heard those with the symptoms of frontal lobe damage referenced here referred to as lazy, which is brutally and abusively wrong. Laziness has nothing to do with it. The part of our brain that serves as the ignition to begin a task doesn’t work. While the engine is there, the ignition is not. Emotion is needed to hotwire the engine so we can begin the task, so we can ride the waves.

Caring for Appearances and $ Only

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I have lived with a brain injury for more than 25 years now as a result of being held up and shot in the head in 1984. Since then I have met people who care and don’t about those of us who live with brain injuries. I’ve also met those successfully manipulate many, myself included, into believing they do care when in fact they don’t.

I can tell you from firsthand experience that those who work for the Brain Injury Association of New York State care with all their hearts and souls. They have helped me through some tough times over the years and I can honestly say I love the people who work there. I am proud to be a member and would tell anyone who lives in New York they are making the world a better place by becoming a member.

I know people in the New York State Department of health who care with all their might. I recently met with two DOH official who care and then some, so be careful not to write off government agencies and or employees as being absent compassion and caring. Moreoever, I know healthcare providers in my state and other states care with all their might.

I also know healthcare providers who don’t care. Who see us as a means of making money and or as a means to inflating their dysfunctional egos by seeking to and, in too many cases, succeeding in controlling our every move.

In my years of working with people with brain injuries I have worked with two company owners who both put on quite a show of caring. One, who has since passed away, I’ve come to realize really did care. Sadly, very sadly in fact, his personal demons got in the way of his acting on his compassion in a healthy way. The second owner continues to put on quite a show of caring but in fact continues to operate a program in which participants rights are too often not respected.

I was forced out of the latter owner’s place because I would not be quiet when I saw people with brain injuries being denied their rights. Do I hate this owner or the one referenced earlier? No. I hate the latter’s behavior and feel sorry for the arrogance that blinds him to the fact life happens to him too whether he likes it or not – just like the rest of us. Were he wounded in life, I’d help him.

Anyway, one day at a time.

I’ll continue to expose those who misstep on the human rights front and support those who don’t, and, thankfully, there are many people in the latter group.

You Made Me Son

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How can I be with you gone

Eight years now how can I be

You gave me heartbeat and breath

And you gave me heart

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How can I be with you gone

Forever is too long how can I be

You gave me stride and backbone

And you gave me strength

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How can I be with you gone

Beyond my touch how can I be

You gave me life and reason

And you made me son

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For my mother, born Leona Patricia Clark, who died December 19, 2001

Obama’s Wrong Turn & Greed Wins

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Vermont Senator Bernard Sanders was right this week when he said, “I absolutely know that the insurance companies and the drug companies will be laughing all the way to the bank the day after this is passed.” If the healthcare reform bill (I use the term loosely) passes without a public option and without an earlier Medicare buy-in, the fat cat insurance companies win, and the American people lose.

Senator Joseph Lieberman’s last minute revolt against the bill because it had a Medicare buy-in (something Lieberman himself advocated) makes one wonder if his decision wasn’t his way of wounding the president because Obama had the audacity to beat Senator John McCain, Lieberman’s friend, in the presidential race. Lieberman is so duplicitous and slimy grease equals sandpaper by comparison.

The notion that Congress can’t take another run at this bill is, to use one of my mother’s favorite words, balderdash. Congress can take up any damn bill it wants. Howard Dean is right when he says this current bill should be tabled or defeated and the White House and others should be ashamed of themselves from taking a run at him.

Not surprisingly the American people are the losers here. The rich win again. And while I like this president, I am disgusted that he chose not to step up to the plate and fight for the public option, the one key element that would have gone a long way in right-sizing the insurance companies’ greed.

Someone should remind the president that a lot of us voted for him because we really believed in him, we really believed he would fight for us and not cave in to those who essentially kill Americans by making it impossible for them to afford healthcare.

The president and others should be on notice, we voted you in and we can vote you out.