A more beautiful place

This holiday season, as they call it, I am thinking  and feeling about my family. For some reason knowing you’re likely in the home-stretch of things allows you a sharper awareness of the immense love you feel for family members, most all gone from life. I’m grateful for my instincts because I don’t mind being present in the experience.

Family life ended for me in December, 1969,  two months after my 16th birthday; an essay for another time.

Of course there are tears, at times, and, of course, there are momentary flashes of fury. Fury at the loss, at how long its been, fists clenched, and, literally, nothing and no one deserving of a blow exists on this planet. The stone cold fact is, nothing and no one deserving of that blow has ever existed on this planet.

So I allow the feeling of fury until it passes. It always does.

These days I’m thinking of my mother and father, ,Grandma and Grandpa, Mommom and Poppop (my mother’s parents), Uncle Harry, Aunt Dorothy, Uncle Peter, Marjorie, my sister, Rebecca, my childhood friends, a number gone now. My brother, Bobby. I think of my other mother, Leona, my birth-mother — a better human being has never walked the earth. We were  reunited on January 8, 1987. We were emotional and spiritual twins. She was an angel. I bet she still is!

Now, if there is something after this life, it damn well better include more time with these beautiful human beings  or else I’m not interested. When I walk through the beautiful museum hallways in my mind, all the above are there, masterpieces all.

There’s never been a more beautiful place than family.

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Long gone away

*

Whisper this day gently to me

Set my heart down in the quiet

Say nothing to the neighbors

They’re long gone away

*

Let me rest my weary head

On your memory’s shoulder

Beethoven sooths us both

You’re long gone away

*

My powered legs still striding

Hands cut the water churning

Memories way down deep

So many long gone away

*

Loss knocking on my door again

Tells me love and truth’s not enough

Life keeps coming whispers

Another’s long gone away

*

And the boys sing

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Shift rocking stumble knees sing sweet songs on the corner

Rusty acapella chains  shackle hearts and the boys sing

Mama where’d you go to now  so far away

Soft skin close Mama it’s so hard when you can’t see

Skipping stone ladies hopscotch blues bending string sounds

Wounded soul arias for millions and the boys sing

Papa’s all gone before curtain rise and back grown full

Son stands on corners lost and hungers gained

Powered thighs stride across fractured dreams

Words shuffle sweet sad peace and the boys sing

***