Category Archives: relationships

Ratchet up & dream again

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If you want forgiveness brothers and sisters you’ve got to forgive

If you want love in your hearts you’ve go to love no hands asking

If you want someone holding you then do some holding of your own

If life was fair brothers and sisters we wouldn’t be where everything’s real

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If pain sadness tears your soul’s seams brothers and sisters breathe

If kneebuckling heartbreak shoots you down cold shoot love in return

If wounded hearts wound yours  send kindness their way

If the choice is delivering a  blow or offering a hug go with this last

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If like me you’ve been knocked down and blown out don’t give up now

If you’re tripping on shattered dreams rubble trust sunrise on the morrow

If you’re broken sad let the tears come breathe deep gentle and slow

If you think you’re nothing left think again you’re an angel I promise

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If you think you’re nothing you’re wrong I swear

If you’ve stopped hoping for tomorrow rise up and hope again

If you lost the magic child within open up and look again

If you’ve stopped dreaming then ratchet up and dream again

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Great news! I found us!

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Great news! I found us! You’ll never believe where we were! And you’ll never believe that we, so I learned, have the ability to alter our size!

So last night I go to bed and call Charley and he nestles up in bed next to me. I pick up the Tolstoy biography and start reading. Well, you know like when a dog hears something before you do? Well…Charley’s head pops up, ears perked. He hears something.  But not something outside, something from the closet next to your bureau.  Of course the first thing I think is, Sonuvabitch mice! I put the book down and listen. At first I don’t hear anything but Charley’s still all ears perked and head tipped. Then I hear it a faint sound coming from the closet. It sounds like two people giggling. Tiny giggles (which sounds like the song Don Ho never sang ’cause he probably knew better). Then there’s tiny conversation in tiny voices, not unlike the sound of your voice when Skype tampers with it. More giggles, then the giggles stop and again I hear tiny-voiced conversation…then tiny panting, tiny heavy breathing…then. Suddenly I get a little bit scared thinking maybe I’m having an acid flashback and it’s all in my head but I quickly realize that can’t possibly be because Charley’s still listening to the same thing I am and tilts his one way and then the other as he listens.

I get out of bed  and, quietly as I can, go to the closet door, take a deep breath and open it. There we are! In a tiny bed on top of the things in the closet both naked and cuddling (of course we both covered ourselves with a blanket when big me opened the door)! We looked like we usually looked, really happy together. Then I hear Charley from behind me clear his throat. I turn and look at him. Then, he speaks, in a real human voice, “As long as you two remember to live that part of yourselves and not let it disappear when yuz” (He said yuz, he’s got New Yawk roots!) “is working through the hard stuff yuz will be fine and spend the rest of your life together happy very happy! That, and make sure I’ve got me some milk bones or fawgeddaboutit.”  I said, “Say that again.” He just barked. I turned around and we were gone from the closet. I closed my eyes, shook my head, opened my eyes and I was lying in bed next to Charley with the book about Tolstoy resting on my chest. Now…I know it wasn’t a dream. In fact I know it was real, in fact I know it was a miracle. And that doesn’t surprise me because you, my beautiful angel, are a miracle – and so are we.

I love you my whole wide world.

 

Stride on brother from Brooklyn to Boylston

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From Brooklyn to Boylston people live dreams

On honored hopes and shaky legs hopin God keeps’m strong

While Phil sings dance into the light  from across the pond so

Stride on brother

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Lives made of secrets poison souls and hearts

Offer no happy endings sunnier days for the poison makers

So like Randy did his part  so did you

Stride on brother

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Wishin  dreams come true for  Brooklyn and  Boylston

May the crooked words straighten and the shaky legs get strong

Knowing honesty needs no retreat or surrender

Stride on brother

 

 

 

Long gone away

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Whisper this day gently to me

Set my heart down in the quiet

Say nothing to the neighbors

They’re long gone away

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Let me rest my weary head

On your memory’s shoulder

Beethoven sooths us both

You’re long gone away

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My powered legs still striding

Hands cut the water churning

Memories way down deep

So many long gone away

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Loss knocking on my door again

Tells me love and truth’s not enough

Life keeps coming whispers

Another’s long gone away

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Love ain’t easy, but…

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Fully giving and accepting love is not always the easiest thing to do. It can be downright scary for understandable reasons given the rough sledding so many of us of have gone through in life. However, as far as I’m concerned to love and to be loved is life’s most precious gift. Especially love between people. I make a point of singling out love between people because,  if you’ll permit me the use of a cliché (there’s a reason it is a cliché), love is everywhere.  To wit, I love books, good writing. There are written passages so beautiful they bring me to tears; I’d hold them in my arms if I could. There’s music I love. Music so beautiful my heart beats faster and sweet-shiver chills run up and down my spine. And then, of course, nature herself. Nature is the whole of life and love is a part of the whole. Love is nature’s finest creation, the ability to give and receive love,  its most singular reward.

For the so many of you (and I am in your number) whose hearts and souls are bruised and bloodied by love lost, by the absence of love, by the slings and arrows of those so damaged they’ve come to believe they are incapable of healthy love, by those so internally mangled and misshapen they are, in fact, cruel, I say to you, don’t lose hope. The wounds of history deserve only so much decision making power. Our histories teach us caution. Good. Yes. They teach us to have  the patience to discover what is real and what is not, what is true and what is false. Good. Yes. But they do not deserve so much decision making power they make us shut down, enact the off switch.

So, my dear reader. Give yourself permission to love and receive love knowing that no love between people can be if we do not accept each other and ourselves for who we are. Again, no love between can be if we do not accept each other and ourselves for who we are.

And then there is this ineffable truth; you deserve to be loved and you deserve to give love. Perhaps in this moment you are unclear on this or don’t believe it. Perhaps you’ve been so thoroughly pulverized by the brutality in life you think it impossible. Perhaps you grapple with a combination of all of these. Well, I’ve got good news. Because it may feel impossible does not mean it is impossible, it means that’s how it feels. Because you may, at this moment, be unclear, does not mean clarity is not there for you to discover – it is. And because, right now, you don’t believe it does not mean it is not worthy of belief. Consider, for a few moments, the content of the last sentence which comes right now.  This piece was written, with love, for you.