This holiday season, as they call it, I am thinking and feeling about my family. For some reason knowing you’re likely in the home-stretch of things allows you a sharper awareness of the immense love you feel for family members, most all gone from life. I’m grateful for my instincts because I don’t mind being present in the experience.
Family life ended for me in December, 1969, two months after my 16th birthday; an essay for another time.
Of course there are tears, at times, and, of course, there are momentary flashes of fury. Fury at the loss, at how long its been, fists clenched, and, literally, nothing and no one deserving of a blow exists on this planet. The stone cold fact is, nothing and no one deserving of that blow has ever existed on this planet.
So I allow the feeling of fury until it passes. It always does.
These days I’m thinking of my mother and father, ,Grandma and Grandpa, Mommom and Poppop (my mother’s parents), Uncle Harry, Aunt Dorothy, Uncle Peter, Marjorie, my sister, Rebecca, my childhood friends, a number gone now. My brother, Bobby. I think of my other mother, Leona, my birth-mother — a better human being has never walked the earth. We were reunited on January 8, 1987. We were emotional and spiritual twins. She was an angel. I bet she still is!
Now, if there is something after this life, it damn well better include more time with these beautiful human beings or else I’m not interested. When I walk through the beautiful museum hallways in my mind, all the above are there, masterpieces all.
There’s never been a more beautiful place than family.