Garden Update from Soil Boy

I suspect many of you may have noticed a shortage of rocks where you live. I don’t just suspect this, I’m sure of it. How can I be so sure, you ask? Because all the rocks missing from your property are on and in my property. I spent nearly all of the first 15 years of my life in Rockland County New York, so believe me, I know rocks. Well, here’s a bit of a newsflash for you. Rockland County ain’t nothing but pure clean potting soil compared to where I live now.

I was out in the back 40 today continuing to clear the land for my vegetable garden. I began to understand the origins of rock gardens. Some poor soul, overcome with frustration of grappling with battalions of rocks, wearily looked up, wiped sweat from his brow and said, “Fuck it; this looks great just like it is,” and ordained the first rock garden. If you can’t beat’m join’m. If you can’t beat’m or join’m, rename’m.

Anyway, I will be back out in rock world tomorrow.

Just between you and me, I am having a great time out there. But I’d appreciate it if you kept that between us.

Yours truly,

Soil Boy

Here Comes Soil Boy

So I’ve decided to plant a vegetable garden, my very first. A serious vegetable garden. I’m thinking something like 600 square feet, which is, when it comes to size, plenty serious to me.

There is a wealth in poverty. A fixed income keeps you, if breath deep and relax, focused on some basics. And basics can be wonderful. Cost saving measures can be creative, and, in the case of this garden I am planning, freeing. I have done some reading about gardening. The importance of spacing the seeds correctly, the correct depth to plant the seeds, the benefits of compost, a process that suddenly gives your garbage welcome meaning.

I am raring to go. I have staked out an area in the back, I know to plant the taller items on the north side of the garden so they don’t block the sun for the other plants. I know in my heart I will develop a bond with the plants and I already know that when the season ends and they return to the soil there will be tears for me because I will be losing friends. But we all return to the soil in one way or another, so how bad could it be?

I have some seeds already: tomatoes, onions, squash, corn, sunflowers, peppers and beans. I’m even looking into canning food. All these things cost saving measures and the newness of this experience almost makes me clap my hands with childlike glee. There may be moments when I do exactly that.

So, today I go to my local gardening center. I love it there. It is run by a family and they are all attentive, kind, very knowledgeable, patient and, as I found out today, non-judgmental.

I get two seed flats that handle 50 seeds each, a few packets of seeds, and a gardening pamphlet. The young fellow who has been helping me begins to ring up my items. He says, “You’ve got soil for the flats?”


“Could be helpful.”

The two us are pretty much rolling in laughter. I say, “Betcha next time you see me roll up you’re gonna say, “Here comes Soil Boy”.”

It was a wonderful moment. Now, if I can make the garden half as wonderful as that moment, there will be some mighty fine veggies in the Kahrmann house this year.