*
Whisper this day gently to me
Set my heart down in the quiet
Say nothing to the neighbors
They’re long gone away
*
Let me rest my weary head
On your memory’s shoulder
Beethoven sooths us both
You’re long gone away
*
My powered legs still striding
Hands cut the water churning
Memories way down deep
So many long gone away
*
Loss knocking on my door again
Tells me love and truth’s not enough
Life keeps coming whispers
Another’s long gone away
*
Fully giving and accepting love is not always the easiest thing to do. It can be downright scary for understandable reasons given the rough sledding so many of us of have gone through in life. However, as far as I’m concerned to love and to be loved is life’s most precious gift. Especially love between people. I make a point of singling out love between people because, if you’ll permit me the use of a cliché (there’s a reason it is a cliché), love is everywhere. To wit, I love books, good writing. There are written passages so beautiful they bring me to tears; I’d hold them in my arms if I could. There’s music I love. Music so beautiful my heart beats faster and sweet-shiver chills run up and down my spine. And then, of course, nature herself. Nature is the whole of life and love is a part of the whole. Love is nature’s finest creation, the ability to give and receive love, its most singular reward.
For the so many of you (and I am in your number) whose hearts and souls are bruised and bloodied by love lost, by the absence of love, by the slings and arrows of those so damaged they’ve come to believe they are incapable of healthy love, by those so internally mangled and misshapen they are, in fact, cruel, I say to you, don’t lose hope. The wounds of history deserve only so much decision making power. Our histories teach us caution. Good. Yes. They teach us to have the patience to discover what is real and what is not, what is true and what is false. Good. Yes. But they do not deserve so much decision making power they make us shut down, enact the off switch.
So, my dear reader. Give yourself permission to love and receive love knowing that no love between people can be if we do not accept each other and ourselves for who we are. Again, no love between can be if we do not accept each other and ourselves for who we are.
And then there is this ineffable truth; you deserve to be loved and you deserve to give love. Perhaps in this moment you are unclear on this or don’t believe it. Perhaps you’ve been so thoroughly pulverized by the brutality in life you think it impossible. Perhaps you grapple with a combination of all of these. Well, I’ve got good news. Because it may feel impossible does not mean it is impossible, it means that’s how it feels. Because you may, at this moment, be unclear, does not mean clarity is not there for you to discover – it is. And because, right now, you don’t believe it does not mean it is not worthy of belief. Consider, for a few moments, the content of the last sentence which comes right now. This piece was written, with love, for you.
If you are loved, don’t miss it. Life happens to us whether we like it or not and though love may portend permanence, it is, sadly, not the overseer of life (unfair I know). But life, it seems to me, is not cut from a fabric beholden to anything but its very existence.
If you love, give it your all. I say this with one caveat; that you do not give it your all at the expense of giving up who you are. And who you are deserves respect. Know that. And if, now, as your eyes travel this page, you find that hard to belief, it is still true. Promise. We all lose sight of our value and worth from time to time, doesn’t mean it’s not there.
Any truly loving connection between two people, no matter its form, two people in love, friends, siblings, parent and child, grandparent and grandchild, can only be healthy loving for both if each person can be who they are (really are) safely with the other.
Love is life’s greatest gift. Don’t miss it.
If you need me, I’ll be there, with kind arms waiting, no furrowed brow for you.
Daylight comes and daylight goes, dreams seem to do the same, but I tell you
If you need me, I’ll be there, bringing you a cup of tea sweetened with a smile
From me because you are you and that’s all you need to be
If you need me, I’ll be there. In coming storms or in the thick of pain, during times
Of hunger and lost hopes and lives, I’ll be there, in your dreams, in your heart always
If you need me, I’ll be there, in the song of the morning birds, the early day sun glowing
Warmth into your heart, because I love you, you know that, I am there, you can hug me
If you need me, I’ll be there, in the quiet and in the loud, in the darkness and in the light
In the rhythm of your footsteps in the morning and in the night I am there always
If you need me, I’ll be there, because you are you and that’s all you need to be
In life and past it, I’ll be there, loving you, always, because you are you and I am me
Many years ago I wrote a script that went nowhere called It Was Your Heart I Wanted. The story was about a woman confronted with the possibility of entering a relationship but found herself fearfully hesitant because her last relationship had been such a brutal one. An all too common reason for hesitancy many have when facing the possibility of new love. And so, in a very real way, they are trapped in the jail cells of prior relationships. I called the piece It Was Your Heart I Wanted because I do believe most of us can say that and mean that when we enter into a relationship.
But there is another kind of relationship jail cell. The relationship we are are already in, we know are not happy, and yet we stay in them anyway. The love may be gone, if it was ever there, and the environment is toxic, but we stay. Blessedly, I am not in this situation and after nearly seven years of sobriety would disengage from a situation like this were I in one. But, believe me, I’ve been in toxic relationship jail cells before.
I know a few people who are in them now.
I know one extraordinary person who is an American History buff. I mean this is someone who really knows and loves American History. But their spouse stops them from any involvement with history clubs or other people who love history. I know another person who is in a relationship with someone they like but don’t love but figures the person is good to the kids so why not.
I level no harsh judgment towards anyone who is trapped by their history in a way that stops them from daring to love and daring to be loved. What I will say is this. All of us have the right to love and be loved, and no one’s history deserves so much say it stops them from experiencing the heart-and-soul wonder of a relationship that works gloriously, and believe me, there are relationships like this in the world. I know people who are in them.
I don’t know about you, but I think I’ll take the risk of loving and being loved. My history be damned. If the possibility of a deep-in-the-heart relationship is there, I don’t want to miss it, at least not because of my history.
Peter S. Kahrmann - Est. 1953 