My Country, by Sarah Palin

First I’d like to say in words, yes words you know, we know, yes it is true, talking to my country, meaning yours too, ours, yes, my words here are for you for all.

This great country is shining, we know, don’t we know? It shines it does from sea to shining mountains and seas, a most beautiful land with, you know you beautiful people are too, yes, you know this is true.

I believe in things, many things, you know me and you know this, it is all true. From my Alaska mountaintop I see as you would many things, not just Russia but many things, God is there, yes you know my words are here and there and for you and for God from you and me, they’re on the mountaintop, in Alaska, more than Russia I see for my country.

My country’s future, mine and yours and the mountains below with rivers, yes, of course lakes streams, but this Obama is dangerous, you know from my mountain I know, no one, anywhere and there too knows what or who or what is being said.

And you can quote me.

Sarah Palin’s An Insult to Dogs

Sarah Palin calls herself an attack dog with lipstick. A number of others refer to her as an attack dog. I don’t see why we need to insult our canine brethren like this. They do not deserve it. In fact, with rare exceptions, our canine brethren are kind, loyal, loving and honest. What more they are rarely picky eaters. Now I’m hard pressed to link the words kind, loyal, loving and honest to Palin, at least not the public Palin. In fairness to Ms. I-Can-See-Russia-Clearly-Now, I have no reason to believe she is a picky eater, publicly or privately.

What I do know is she is a legend in her never mind and has joined the out-of-our-minds chorus that’s running around claiming that a public healthcare option would give our government the ability and right to cause death by denying treatment. Are you shitting me? Do you have any idea how much death and health destruction has been caused by the denial of care inflicted on citizens by private insurance companies? President Obama is simply smart enough and, by the way, kind, loving, loyal and honest enough, to know that if a real public healthcare option was available to the American people, private healthcare insurance companies would find themselves right sized, poor things.

The bottom line here is those fighting against the public healthcare option are fighting for the we-can-deny-any-treatment-we-want-to healthcare companies in an effort to keep the wallets of all those mentioned in this sentence brimming with bucks.

Palin is simply a bizarre and mildly entertaining whack job who should do one of three things: shut up, go on the Jerry Springer show, or, given the fact she can see Russia from where she lives, move there. Wait! There is one other thing she should do. She should leave our canine brethren alone.

Maceo thinking, “That’s One Ugly Bitch”

Maceo in Willie’s Diner sipping coffee staring down at the morning paper thinking, Man, that’s one ugly bitch. Looking  across the table at Murphy, all 280 pounds of him, he says, “Don’t she get uglier by the day?” and points his chipped coffee mug at the picture of Sarah Palin under a headline announcing the Alaskan governor’s resigning from office ,  “She’s resigning because she thinks she can,” he looks down at the paper, studies a moment, reads out loud,  “fight for our children’s future from outside the governor’s office.”

Murphy chuckles, swallows a belch, says, “She could help kids more maybe if she did it from outside the country,” pauses, then adds, “She did get fuckin’ ugly quick.”

Maceo, smiling now, says, “Like, you know, you meet someone and maybe they look, you know, alright and shit, and then they’re real nice and soon they look nicer and nicer. Well Palin’s the reverse of that shit. McCain picks her and I think, Now that’s one hot looking lady.”

Murphy nods once. “Yeah, that lasted.”

“Five minutes tops.  She starts talkin’ about she knows foreign policy and shit ‘cause she can see Russia from Alaska.”

Good glasses, man.”

She got ugly fast.”

Murphy nods agreement. “That’s one ugly bitch.”

PALIN ON THE MOON

I was a wee bit tired when I first read that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin released a statement about the birth of her first grandchild which read, in part, “We are over the moon with the arrival of this healthy, beautiful baby…” I thought it read “we are on the moon” and found myself wishing that’s exactly where she was.

The former Republican VP nominee (an unsettling phrase to write, let me tell you) reminds me of fungus that just won’t go away. Or one of those horrible sitcoms that leaves you scratching your head, wondering with all your might, what on earth are people thinking?

As time moves on after the election it is more and more clear how out of her element she was and is when it comes to holding national office. Check that. Any office. At the same time, it is refreshing to see the real John McCain back again, the John McCain free of his handlers, a group of people who, now that I think of it, ought to be on the moon with Palin.

Happy New Year all!
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SARAH PALIN: A MOOSE SHOOTIN’ BULLSHITTIN’ (FILL IN THE BLANK)

Sarah Palin. There, I said it. I had hoped to get through this election without writing her name. While this is not a poison pen letter, I do think writing her name runs the risk of poisoning the finest of pens.

But, Sarah Palin? Are you kidding me? Her response to a bi-partisan report that concluded she had broken her state’s ethics laws was to say the report cleared her of, brace yourself, any “ethical wrong doing.” Reminds me of the Richard Pryor line: “You gonna believe me or your lying eyes?”

Listen, Sarah, if you’re gonna bullshit us, put some effort into it. Live on the edge; why not throw caution to the wind and use both digits of your IQ. Common, you can do it. No? We may not all be going to Mensa meetings anytime soon but the kind of dishonest and disingenuous garbage you’re spewing has no place in American political life, now – or ever.

However, we are in the now and now is a dangerous time for my country. The economy, our reputation around the world and our infrastructure is in shambles. Our ability to trust our elected leaders, always tenuous at best, is now nearly non-existent. We have a president and vice-president that aspired to be and came close to being our American Dictators. They should be charged as war criminals and jailed as far as I’m concerned. As a rule, dictators rule by fear. And there’s Moose Shootin’ Palin out there firing up crowds to the point they are yelling “Kill him!” about Obama.

We don’t need this or deserve this in my country. Thousands upon thousands of American men and women have lost their lives, their limbs, and their sense of safety in the world so the United States could be the United States.

As for Senator John McCain, let me be maybe the first to say it. While he was, without question, courageous beyond description in Vietnam and during years as a POW, he is a political wimp – a coward. He has abandoned all that in his heart he probably still believes in to win the election and placate his dysfunctional party leaders. That’s cowardice, bro.

As for Ms. Palin, go back to Alaska and chill out. Hey, it’s Alaska. It should be easy.
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